


Equilibrium

by kml8990



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Fire Fam - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Getting Together, M/M, Nurse Evan "Buck" Buckley, Past Rape/Non-con, Secrets, Slow Burn, Smut, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:54:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28640340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kml8990/pseuds/kml8990
Summary: 5 years ago Evan Buckley disappeared from his sisters life without a trace or word. Maddie has moved on with her life. She has moved to L..A, has a wonderful boyfriend, and a new found family here. She's never forgotten her brother though. She's surprised when she discovers her brother has been working as a nurse in L.A. General's Emergency Room. The sibling's relationship is going to need a lot of mending, but maybe Buck will find his equilibrium along the way.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Past Evan "Buck" Buckley/OMC
Comments: 81
Kudos: 567





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... This is only my second time writing in this fandom. And only my second time writing in nearly 8 years, so I hope its not terrible. I promise it will get better. I hope to have weekly updates, but I'm teaching 4th grade and doing the whole virtual/distance learning currently so I will update when I can.
> 
> Only edited by me, so may be total crap. Let me know is there are any tags I missed adding...

Chapter 1:

“You have to come to our housewarming party, Buck! I’m pretty sure that it falls under brotherly duties,” Maddie Buckley stated as she sat across the table from her little brother who was smirking as he sipped his coffee.

“I don’t remember ever reading or signing a contract that explained these brotherly duties you’re speaking of.”

“It doesn’t make them any less true.”

Buck sighed, placing his coffee cup on the table and shifting so he was leaning towards Maddie, “I’m not going to know anyone there, other than you.”

“And who’s fault is that? You disappeared, Evan. For YEARS. You didn’t write, or text, or call. I didn’t even know if you were alive or okay,” Maddie protested.

Buck hung his head after looking around to make sure they weren’t disturbing the other patrons of the small coffee shop. “I’m sorry Mads, you know I am.”

“That’s thing, Evan. I’m not really sure I do because you won’t give me a reason why. Do you know how worried I’ve been all these years? You called to tell me you were coming back to the States from South America and that was the last I heard from you for five years. Then my best friend falls and needs to get stitches. Imagine my surprise when I walked into Josh’s hospital room to find that my missing brother is his nurse. I still have the same phone number, but you never called to tell me you were in LA.”

“I didn’t know you were in LA, Mads. I thought you were still in Hershey.” 

“That’s not the point, and you know it.”

“I’m sorry Mads,” Buck sighed again, “I guess I just didn’t know how to reach out.”

“Six months ago I found my baby brother again. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that he show up to mine and my boyfriend’s housewarming party and meet some of the family I’ve created for myself in LA.”

Buck stared at the table for a moment before looking back up at his sister, “Okay,” he relented, “I’ll be there.”

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

It wasn’t that Buck didn’t want to be around his sister. In the five years since he had spoken to her, there had been many moments where he would’ve killed to hear her voice or see her face. He loved her. She had practically raised him. He just didn’t want her to find out where he had been, what he had done, since the last time he had spoken to her all those years ago.

Maddie had been talking about how surprised she had been to see Buck, but surprised didn’t even begin to cover how Buck had felt when he saw her step foot in his ER. It was like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs, but he’d somehow managed to continue treating his patient, Josh – Maddie’s best friend, (just his luck,) as if nothing was wrong. Afterwards, Maddie had cornered him at the nurses station and initiated a very awkward conversation.

Now, six months later, Maddie had basically forced Buck into weekly coffee dates to catch up. He learned that she had been in LA for 3 years now, worked as a 9-1-1 dispatcher, and was in a serious relationship with a firefighter. She seemed happy, and that’s all that Buck really cared about. In turn, Buck had shared with her that he had been working as an ER nurse at LA General for about a year now, explaining he had done years of online and night classes to get through nursing school. He refused to share anything else, no matter how hard Maddie had pressed him.

“Earth to Buckley!” a hand being waved in front of his face pulled Buck from his thoughts. He looked over to find Jasmine, his co-worker and closest thing he had to a friend, standing next to him, her hands now on her hips. 

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I was saying that I finished cleaning Treatment 1 so it’s ready to go for the next patient,” she said, exasperation lacing her voice.

“Great. Thanks,” Buck replied, turning to make note of the open room on the whiteboard behind him.

“You know, if you want to be the permanent head ER nurse, you might want to get your head in the game.”

“I know, I know. Won’t happen again.”

“Good. Because I like having you as my boss. When Nancy announced her retirement and you were going to be interim boss, I may have cried joyful tears.”

“Thanks for the confidence,” Buck replied, shooting Jasmine a smile.

“What’s got you so wrapped in your head anyway?”

“Maddie wants me to go to her housewarming party tomorrow and meet her boyfriend and friends.”

“And? You’re off until the night shift tomorrow, so what’s the problem?”

“I’m not exactly the most social person, Jaz.”

“Really?” The brunette woman rolled her eyes, “Never would’ve guessed. In the year I’ve known you, I’ve managed to drag you out for drinks a total of 1 time. Your anti-socialness isn’t a secret, which is why you should go.”

“I’m not good with people.”

“Bullshit,” Jasmine stated firmly, “I’ve seen you calm and console hundreds of patients and their families.”

“That’s my job.”

“To an extent, yes. But Buck, you’ve always gone above and beyond for people, no matter who they are or why they are in your ER. You are the most kind and selfless man I know, so what’s the real reason you don’t want to go?”

Buck sighed for the hundredth time that day and leaned back against the counter next to Jasmine, “Maddie and I… We were so close when we were younger. But now we’re practically strangers.”

“Going to her party is the first step in changing that.”

Buck nodded, looking at the ground, “I guess I’m just worried that she’s not going to like who she sees if she gets to know me better.”

Before Jasmine could reply, Buck’s pager buzzed, alerting him to new patients being brought in, “Time to go to work,” he said as he and Jasmine raced to meet the ambulance pulling up.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments on the first chapter. I'm well aware that I'm pretty rusty when it comes to writing. I hope the chapters get better as I go on and that you continue to be interested in this story

Chapter 2:

Chimney watched as his girlfriend flittered around their usually spacious living room that was currently filled with their friends. She was refilling drinks and offering snacks, not really stopping to speak with their guests.

“Why is Maddie so stressed?” a voice from beside Chim drew his attention. He looked over at his colleague and friend, Eddie, who was nursing a beer and watching Maddie’s frenetic movement. 

Chim sighed, “Her brother was supposed to come, but he hasn’t shown up yet.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows, “Maddie has a brother?”

“Yeah. They lost touch like 5 years ago, but Maddie recently found out he has been an ER nurse at LA General for about a year now. She’s been trying to connect with him, but he’s been a little resistant.”

“Why’d they lose touch?” Eddie inquired, sipping his beer.

“That’s the thing….Maddie doesn’t even know. One minute they are emailing or calling daily and the next it’s like he’s disappeared off the face of planet. When Maddie first told me she had a brother, she made it sound like he was dead. I guess after five years she probably believed he was.”

“I take it him being back hasn’t been easy?”

“She said that he is the person while remembers while also being a person she doesn’t really recognize. I hope he shows up today, at least for her sake.”

The two firefighters chatted for a few minutes before Eddie got pulled away to help his son dish up a plate of food. Chim was just about to join the chaos when a knock on the door drew his attention.

The man on the doorstep looked nothing like Maddie. While she had dark eyes and dark hair, this man had blonde hair with blue eyes, but Chim still recognized him from the pictures Maddie had shown him.

“You must be Evan,” Chim greeted, holding out a hand. The blue eyed man shook it and offered a nervous smile.

“Yeah…I go by Buck actually. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Chim, Maddie’s boyfriend,” Chim explained before letting the much taller man into his home.

Maddie spotted her brother from across the room and closed the distance quickly to pull him into a tight hug. Chim watched as Buck stiffened at first before relaxing and hugging Maddie close.

“I am so glad you’re here,” Maddie had a warm smile on her face when she finally released her brother, keeping her hand on his forearm as she smiled up at him. “You’ve met my boyfriend Chim?”

“Yeah, just now.” Buck smiled as Chim again before turning his attention back to his sister. “Sorry I’m late. I took a nap since I’m working the night shift and forgot to set an alarm.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here. Come meet everyone!” Maddie led her brother by the hand through the house, introducing him to those in the home before taking him out to the small backyard where Chimney now sat with a few other people Buck didn’t know. “Guys, this is my little brother Evan. Evan, these are the other firefighters Chim works with,” Maddie went through the individual introductions, ending with Eddie, who had a sleepy little boy on his lap.

“Nice to meet you,” Buck said to everyone, fidgeting nervously at all the eyes focused on him.

“You wear funny clothes,” a small, slightly slurred voice pipped up from Eddie’s lap making everyone but Eddie chuckle and helped to ease some of Buck’s discomfort.

“Christopher,” Eddie admonished his son softly, and Buck shook his head.

“It’s alright,” he reassured the man before squatting down so he was eye level with the boy. “They are kind of funny, aren’t they?” he asked the boy, who nodded. “It’s because I work at a hospital. We won’t wear normal clothes to work because they get dirty easily. These are called scrubs. I like wearing silly ones like these with dinosaurs on them because they make people smile when they don’t feel good.”

“Cool!” The boy replied, sleepily curling in tighter against his father.

Buck’s eyes met the other man’s briefly as he stood back up, a small blush making its way to his face at having the handsome man’s attention focused on him.

Buck let Maddie show him where the coolers full of drinks were and encouraged him to help himself to the food before slinking off to mingle with her other guests as well. He helped himself to a coke, staying away from the beer since he’d be leaving the party for his shift at the hospital, and finding a secluded corner of the yard and settling in to observe the controlled chaos.

The family Maddie had built in L.A seemed great, at least at first meeting. She seemed happy, which is all Buck had ever hoped for her during the years he was out of contact. However, he also felt a pang of jealousy because this was the kind of found family he had searched years for but all he got out of it was a lot of pain, and regret because Maddie was different than he remembered. More outgoing and head strong than she ever was when they were kids, and he had missed so many years that made her this person he saw today.

“You know we don’t bite,” a voice came from beside him, startling Buck so badly, his flinch made his soda slosh out of the can and coat his hand. “I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” the voice apologized.

“It’s all good,” Buck reassured as he shook off his hand and looked beside him to find the handsome man with chocolate brown eyes who had been holding the kid that had questioned him about his clothes earlier. 

“I was trying to let you know that we’re not as weird of scary as we look, but that kind of backfired considering I just scared you,” The man said sheepishly.

Buck let out a small huff of laughter, “It’s fine, just a little sticky.”

“Here,” the man handed over a wet wipe from his pocket, and Buck gratefully took it with a raised eyebrow. “Hey, single dad to a kid with CP, I don’t go anywhere without ‘em.”

That made Buck laugh again as he opened the wipe and cleaned the sticky soda off his hand, “Well I’m glad you’re so prepared….?”

“Eddie,” the man reminded him.

“Buck,” he held his now clean out for Eddie to shake.

“I thought your sister said your name was Evan?” Eddie asked, confusion clear on his face.

“It is, but my friends have called me Buck since high school. Maddie is really the only one who still calls me Evan.”

“Well, Buck,” Eddie made sure to emphasize the name, “It’s nice to meet you. Maddie’s really happy that you’re here.”

“Nice to meet you as well,” Buck offered a small smile, “Mads has been hounding me for a week about this party.”

“Sisters know how to nag. I have two of them.”

“Well I’m glad I just have the one, then.”

“You’re welcome to come join us as the table,” Eddie invited after a few moments of silence between them. “I promise nobody is going to interrogate you.”

“Nah. I’m good. I’m going to finish my drink and then head out, I think.”

“You just got here,”

“I’m head nurse in the L.A. General ER. That comes with never ending paperwork and responsibilities. I need to get started on it before my shift or it will never get done.”

“Well, I’ll save you a seat in case you change your mind,” The dark haired man said, shooting but a soft smile before he walked away and back towards the others.

Buck stayed where he was as he sipped his coke. His eyes found Maddie standing next to her boyfriend, tucked up against his side as he they listened to a friend speak. She was calm and happy. She had plenty of friends who obviously cared for her. She didn’t need Buck in her life, and sometimes he wished his sister had never stumbled upon him in the ER all those months ago. 

He had missed his sister fiercely, but he wasn’t who she remembered. The things he had done that she could never know about taunted him and he didn’t want to ruin the great life she had here with his baggage. He finished his drink quickly and threw the can in the recycling bin before sneaking out through the side gate without saying goodbye. 

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“You just left? You didn’t say goodbye or anything?!” Jasmine asked from her perch on the counter of the nurses station where Buck was currently nose deep in work schedules for the coming week.

“Yes,” he sighed, not even turning to look as his friend, “She had a house full of friends there, and her boyfriend. She probably didn’t even notice I was gone.”

“She noticed Buck, I can guarantee that.”

“How would you know?” he asked, flipping through the pages in front of him.

“It’s been what? 3 days since the party?” Jasmine inquired. Buck nodded absentmindedly, “Has she reached out to you since then? A text? A call?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean anything. We went almost 6 years without talking.”

Jasmine slammed her hand down on the papers in front of Buck, finally making him look up at her. “Ever since you guys reconnected, your sister has texted you every day, and now it’s been 3 days of radio silence? She’s hurt that you left her party without saying goodbye, and this is her way of showing that she is hurt and done reaching out first.” She took a deep breath, locking her green eyes with Buck’s blue, “Look, I don’t know what happened to make you guys lose touch in the first place, but it seems like she loves you a lot. Don’t blow the chance to have someone who cares about you that much be in your life,” Jasmine patted Buck on the shoulder before pushing herself off of the counter and heading to check on her patients.

Buck threw his pen down and hung his head. He knew Jasmine was right. Maddie didn’t deserve him ghosting her. She had told him numerous times how much she had missed him, and the smile on her face when he had shown up at her housewarming party had been bright and genuine. Maybe if he was careful about what he said in regards to the time he wasn’t around, maybe, just maybe, they could be close again without Maddie finding out where he’d been.

He fished his phone from his pocket and pulled up the text string he had going with his sister. It was time for Buck to reach out first.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“Do you even realize how much you hurt her?” Buck turned from where he had been writing on the ER’s whiteboard when he heard the angry voice behind him.

The frustrated face of his sister’s boyfriend was the first thing his eyes caught. Chimney was standing on the other side of the nurses station in full uniform, his partner, whom Buck recognize from the party, stood behind him looking as though she wasn’t sure if she should step in or not, “Chimney, I…”

“I’ve been dating Maddie for almost two years now, and she talks about you constantly. She’d share memories of the things the two of you did together. She cried whenever she had to admit that she didn’t know where you were or if you were even still alive. And the day that she found you? She was vibrating with happiness when she told me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile that big. She was so proud to introduce you to all of us at the party, but then you just left without a word. She was devastated.”

“There is no excuse for me just leaving like I did,” Buck agreed, “I just…I worry that I’m not going to be the brother she thinks I am. That I am going to disappoint her.”

“You already disappointed her when you snuck out of our backyard.”

“I know….which is why I reached out to her about an hour ago,” Buck admitted, “We’re going to have lunch tomorrow and talk. Really talk. I think there’s some things we both need to say.”

Chim let out a breath and deflated before Buck’s eyes, “I’m glad,” he admitted, relief in his voice. “Look man, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I love your sister and I will protect her from everything I can. Even if it’s you.”

“I’m glad Mads has someone like you in her corner,” Buck offered a small smile to the man before him.

“Chim, c’mon. We need to get back to the station,” Chim’s partner spoke up for the first time, offering Buck a smile as she pulled on Chimney’s arm.

Chim nodded, giving Buck one last intimidating look before following his partner out of the hospital.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Buck made sure to get to the restaurant early. He didn’t want to be late and have Maddie think he had stood her up. He got a table and ordered water for the both of them before distracting himself with his phone. He didn’t understand why he was so nervous. Maddie was his big sister. The same sister who gave him baths and cleaned his scraped knees as a kid. The same sister who would let him into her bed when he had nightmares, and took him trick or treating when their parents couldn’t be bothered. This was Maddie. Just because they spent over five years apart didn’t mean she wasn’t that same sister anymore. 

A hand on his shoulder had Buck’s head snapping up so quickly it hurt to find Maddie standing beside him. He stood and pulled his sister into a tight hug, “Hey Mads,” he breathed into her shoulder as he squeezed her gently.

Maddie squeezed him back and slowly let go, her brown eyes meeting Buck’s blue, “Thank you for calling.”

Buck motioned for Maddie to sit down before he retook his own seat, “You shouldn’t thank me, Mads,” he sighed sadly, “Brothers are supposed to call their sisters.”

Their waiter came to take their order before Maddie could reply. This being Maddie’s favorite café meant she didn’t even have to glance at the menu before spouting off her order with Buck just telling the waiter to bring him the same. A tense silence settled between the siblings when the server had left, which only emphasized just how different their relationship was these days.

Maddie was the first to break the silence, “Evan…are you okay?”

“Yeah Mads, I am,” he offered his sister a small smile, “I’m sorry I left your party.”

“I’m not upset because you left. I’m upset because you didn’t say goodbye.”

“Buck nodded, “I know. I…”

“I don’t think you really, fully, understand,” Maddie interrupted, reaching across the table to take Buck’s hand. “5 years ago you called me. You said you were done traveling and were looking to settle down somewhere. I told you to come back to Hersey. That you could stay with me until you figured things out. We had a plan. But then…it was like you just vanished. I called your cell so many times before the number was disconnected. I called all your old friends on the off chance that you went to one of them. Hell I even called Mom and Dad! You were just…gone. So suddenly. I tried to file a missing person’s report, but the police told me that with your nomadic life and with me not even knowing where you were last, there was nothing they could do. And Evan…” Maddie’s voice cracked, making Buck squeeze her hand and blink back his own tears. “The only thing I kept thinking about these last 5 years is that I never got to say goodbye to you and tell you that I loved you. I couldn’t remember if I said it that last time we spoke. So when you left the party without a goodbye…it hit a sore spot.”

“I am so sorry Mads. For the other day and 5 years ago. I’m sorry that I put you through that.”

“I am just so happy that found you. That you’re in my life again. I can’t lose you again Evan, so…” Maddie took a deep breath and pulled her hand from her brothers, refusing to meet his eyes any longer, “If you need space or need me to back off, just tell me. I don’t want to smother you into disappearing again.”

“Maddie, look at me please,” when brown eyes met blue again, Buck continued, “What happened 5 years ago…I can’t…I can’t explain it. Not right now. But I hope you know it was never you. I didn’t leave because of you. If I didn’t have you Maddie, I wouldn’t have made it to 18 living with mom and dad. I left the party because…I guess I felt like you didn’t need me.” 

“Evan, I could never not need you.”

“You have a wonderful life here Mads. A boyfriend who adores you and what seem like really great friends. You don’t need a little brother with a bunch of baggage he’s not ready to unpack.”

“Why do you get to decide that for me?” Maddie questioned, “I’m not so naïve that I don’t recognize that there are things you are not telling me. But I do need my little brother in my life. You make my life even better. Let me carry some of that baggage with you until you are ready to unpack it.”

Their waiter returned with the meals, effectively ending the serious conversation. They switched to lighter topics as they ate and Buck listened attentively to everything Maddie said. If their conversation today taught Buck anything, it was that he needed to step up and be a better brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All feedback is welcome. I apologize for any spelling and grammatical mistakes.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr if you want @kml8990


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not a super long chapter, but one that helps move the story forward.

Chapter 3

Eddie’s noticed over the years that the name that pops up on his caller ID when his phone rings can greatly influence his mood. When it’s his parents, he gets grumpy before he even answers his phone. When it’s one of his sisters, he has to steady his emotions to prepare for merciless teasing. The one number that always makes Eddie panic though, is Christopher’s school. It is never a good sign when you child’s school calls you in the middle of the day, but when you have a kid with special needs, it is even scarier.

“Hello?” Eddie answered before the phone could ring a second time, aware of the eyes of his coworkers on him due to the anxiousness already clear in his voice.

“Mr. Diaz?” a semi-familiar, female, voice came through the phone.

“Yes, speaking,” 

“This is Principal Evans calling from Kingston Elementary. I’m calling about your son, Christopher.”

“Is he alright?” Eddie asked as he stood from the table and started pacing the firehouse loft.

“I’m afraid there has been an accident. Some other students were playing with a soccer ball in the school court yard and well…the ball got away from them and it accidentally tripped Christopher, who was walking near the 4 stairs in the courtyard.”

“He fell down the stairs?!” Eddie exclaimed into the phone, aware that the loudness of his voice wouldn’t be pleasant on the other end of the call. 

“I’m afraid so,” the principal confirmed, regret lacing her voice. “He’s a little banged up, but overall okay. Our school nurse is afraid he may have broken his wrist, however.”

Eddie swallowed thickly, tears pricking at his eyes at the thought of his son alone and hurt. “Where is he now?”

“Our nurse had an ambulance transport him to LA General. She went with him and will stay there until you arrive.”

“Thank you,” Eddie said, rather curtly, before hanging up his phone and turning toward the rest of the crew. He found Bobby’s eyes before speaking, “Cap, I’ve got to get to LA General. It’s Chris,”

“Go,” The captain all but ordered, practically shoving Eddie toward the loft stairs.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

L.A traffic always had Eddie cursing under his breath, but today it was wearing through his last nerve. 30 minutes to drive 5 miles was beyond ridiculous, but the only thing Eddie was focused on when he pulled into the hospital parking lot was finding his son. The receptionist recoiled at Eddie’s frantic entrance, and he couldn’t really blame her. He was still in uniform and most people expected firefighters to be calm and collected. Eddie usually was, but not when it came to Chris.

“I got a call that my son was here?” he asked breathlessly, “Christopher Diaz.”

The receptionist typed the name into her computer, taking way longer than Eddie deemed necessary before offering him a smile, “Yes, the school sent him via ambulance,” She informed him, to which Eddie only nodded. He already knew this. “He’s in treatment 3. If you’d like to follow me…” When the receptionist opened the door, Eddie blew past her without a look back.

He felt a little bad for how he had treated the poor woman who was only doing her job, but Eddie had walked the halls of this ER many times when dropping off patients and didn’t need her guidance. He was just rounding the corner, one door away from his son, when he heard very familiar, joyful, laughter. He stopped in his tracks and slumped against the nurses station, the panic and worry easing from his body as the laugh echoed in the hall. If Christopher was cackling like a hyena, he was going to be just fine. After a few calming deep breaths, Eddie opened the curtain to the cubical his son was in.

Christopher laid on the bed, his left arm propped on a pillow and scrapes covering his cheek and eyebrow on the left side of his face as well as his right elbow. Despite all of this, his son wore a bright smile and let out another cheerful laugh as he watched none other than nurse Evan Buckley try to blow up a medical glove into a balloon. Eddie was fairly certain the man was hamming it up for his son’s sake, though his face was turning a deep shade of red as he blew into the glove. On the other side of Christopher’s bed sat the school nurse, who was watching the pair with a small smile.

“I heard you took a tumble,” Eddie stated as he stepped into the room, drawing the attention of all three occupants.

“Daddy!” Chris exclaimed happily, turning his wide grin to his father as the man sat gently on the edge of the hospital bed and ran his hand through his son’s curls.

“How you feeling, kid?”

“My arm only hurts when I move it,” Chris said happily and Eddie took a moment to look at the swollen and slightly bruised wrist. “I broke my glasses,” the boy revealed sadly, making Eddie look back up and catalogue the minor injuries on his son’s face.

“That’s okay,” Eddie was quick to reassure the boy, “We got two pairs the last time, remember? So we’ve got a spare pair you can use.”

“I’m afraid that’s not the only thing broken,” Buck interrupted, drawing Eddie’s focus, “We’re waiting on x-ray to confirm, but I think this little man will be leaving here with a cast,” he explained, handing the now inflated glove to Christopher. “We gave him some extra strength Tylenol for the pain when he got here, and he seems to be doing alright, but we can give him something stronger if he needs it.”

“Thank you,” Eddie said sincerely before turning his attention to the school nurse, “And thank you for staying with him.”

“It was my pleasure,” The woman responded, gathering her things and standing from the chair, “I better get back to school. Goodbye Christopher. Goodbye Mr. Diaz. And I am so sorry that this happened.”

As the school nurse took her leave, Eddie turned back to his son, who was using his good hand to tap on Eddie’s arm. “Dad! Did you know that Buck is Aunt Maddie’s brother?” Christopher asked his dad, shock and awe clear in his voice, pulling a chuckle from the man in question who was busy pulling out antiseptic and band-aids from a cupboard. “He was the man in silly clothes at the party!”

“Christopher,” Eddie gently reprimanded, “Remember that we don’t call people clothes silly. And Buck explained to you why he wears them.”

“Like I said at the party,” Buck interrupted, shooting a calming smile to Eddie and then Chris, “They are silly, but they make you smile,” he motioned at the scrub top he as wearing, which hand kittens riding unicorns on it and Christopher giggled again. “Alright kiddo,” Buck said, schooling his facial features to look at Christopher seriously, “I have to clean the scrapes on your face. It’s probably going to sting.”

“I can be brave,” Chris stated, nodding firmly and Eddie watched as a soft, caring, smile enveloped the other man’s face.

“I don’t doubt that,” Buck acknowledged before handing Chris a box of band-aids. “You’re eyebrow is going to need one, so pick out one you think is cool enough to last you a couple of days.”

Buck was efficient but very gentle as he cleaned the wounds on Christopher’s face. Eddie watched from his peripheral as he helped Chris sort through the band-aids by immediately taking away the princess or prink ones at his son’s request. In the end, the whole process took about ten minutes, but Christopher was undecided between a Minions or a Superman band-aid when Buck was done.

“I know you didn’t ask for it, but in my opinion, I think you should pick the Superman one,” Buck said from beside the bed.

“Why?” Chris asked, looking up at the nurse.

“Because you’re Superman, aren’t you?” Buck asked, throwing a wink at Eddie that made his stomach do funny things.

“No I’m not!” Chris giggled.

“Are you sure? I know superheroes when I see them.”

Chris handed Buck the Superman band-aid, allowing Eddie to return the Minions one back to the box with the others. “I can’t be Superman! I’m hurt. Superman doesn’t get hurt,” the boy stated as Buck secured the band-aid over his eyebrow.

“Now that’s not true at all,” Buck said firmly as he threw away his used supplies and turned back to focus on Chris. “Superman can get hurt just like the rest of us. But, he keeps trying and pushing through hard and painful situations. From what I’ve seen,” Buck continued, leaning on the railing of Chris’s hospital bed with the softest smile Eddie had ever seen, “You’re one tough kid who got hurt, but didn’t let it ruin his day or his feelings about school. You’re pushing through a hard time even though you are hurt. So Christopher Diaz, I ask you….are you Superman?”

Eddie watched as the widest and brightest smile he’s ever seen, formed on his son’s face as he nodded, the whole interaction between his son and his nurse warming his heart.

A knock from the doorway drew all of their attention to a pretty brunette nurse, who stood there with a wheelchair, “Sorry to interrupt but x-ray’s ready for this little man.”

“Thanks Jaz…I’ll take him. Can you cover any incoming traumas?” Buck asked as he took the wheel chair from her.

“You’re the boss,” Jaz said with a smile before leaving the room.

Eddie watched as Buck lowered the railing to Christopher’s bed and transferred the boy to the wheelchair with practiced ease, hardly jostling the potentially broken arm at all. “You don’t have to stay with use if you need to get back to work.”

Buck shot Eddie a smirk that definitely made his heart speed up a bit, which was so inappropriate given the situation. “This is my job,” he stated firmly, “You okay to wait here? They don’t allow family members in x-ray.”

“Yeah, no, that’s fine,” Eddie replied quickly before looking at his son, “You good Chris?”

Chris nodded, “It’s going to be okay kid,”

Eddie huffed out a laugh before rounding the bed and pressing a kiss to his son’s forehead then stepping back and out of the way to allow Buck to push the wheel chair out of the treatment room. He watched until the pair was out of sight, then collapsed into the chair near the bed and let out a breath. There was nothing quite like the come down after worrying about your kid. He took a moment to just breath before sending text messages to his captain, Abuela, and their home health-aid, Carla, to update them.

Eddie spend the rest of the time waiting for Chris to return thinking about a certain blue-eyed nurse. Buck had captivated him the moment he walked in the door at Maddie and Chim’s party. His blue eyes had seemed endless and his smile was so god-damned beautiful that Eddie had just had to talk to him. He was even more enamored now that he had seen the man interact with his son. However, Eddie did have to admit that the man was a bit of a mystery as well. He seemed guarded at times and absolutely charming at others. He was an enigma, and Eddie would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know more. It was a frightening, yet refreshing feeling. Something Eddie hadn’t felt since Christopher’s mom.

He was startled from his thoughts by the very person he was thinking about, along with a much more subdued Christopher, “X-rays required moving his arm, so we are in some pain,” Buck explained as he helped Christopher back into bed. Eddie stood and perched on the bed next to his son and allowed Christopher to cuddle into him. “We’re just waiting on the x-rays to come back now, so I’m going to go check on some other patients. I will check back in soon, though.”

Eddie nodded, running his fingers through his son’s soft curls, “Thank you.”

It took nearly half an hour for the doctor to come back with the news that there was indeed a small fracture at the wrist. Another 20 minutes for Chris to pick out his cast color and for the cast to be put on. Soon enough, Eddie was carrying a half asleep Christopher in one arm and his son’s crutches in the other as he exited the hospital to head home. He didn’t get to see Buck before they left, not that he had been looking…

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Normally, Buck loved the hustle and bustle that came with working in the ER. The constant movement kept Buck out of his head and focused on other, more important, things. Today however, the constant movement had kept him from checking back in on one Christopher Diaz and his dad. He felt like he reneged on a promise to check back in on them before they left, but the ER was buzzing and Buck was never able to say goodbye. To put him in an even worse mood, he couldn’t really figure out why he cared about not saying goodbye so much. He often never got to see patients through their whole ER stay, but that sweet little boy had wormed his way into Buck’s heart, and his dad wasn’t back to look at either. He wanted to make sure they were both okay.

The clipboard in his hands was pulled away to reveal Jasmin with a determined look in her eye, “You. Me. Treatment 3. Now.”

“Jasmine, I’m flattered, really, but you’re lacking a certain appendage that I prefer in my partners.”

“Shut up and get over here,” Jasmine groaned, grabbing Buck by his wrist and dragging him into treatment 3, “You’re going to help me clean this room while we chat,” she stated as she began removing the sheets from the bed.

Buck moved to the other end of the bed to help, “What are we chatting about?”

“You making eyes at the hot firefighter earlier.” 

“I did not make eyes at Eddie!”

“Ooh…hot firefighter has a name!”

Buck rolled his eyes as he balled up the dirty sheets and stuffed them in the laundry bin, “I’m pretty sure everyone has a name, Jaz.”

“Yeah, but you don’t know everyone’s names.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Did you get his phone number?” she inquired, pulling out fresh sheets from the cabinet. 

“No, I didn’t get his number,” Buck scoffed as he secured the new sheets on his end of the bed. “He was a patient.”

“No, his son was a patient.”

“Which is even worse!” Buck exclaimed, “Besides, he may not even be into men.”

“He’s definitely into men,” Jasmine stated matter of factly, “He was totally looking at you like you hung the moon.”

“He was not,” Buck protested, “I was helping his son. He was thankful.”

“Thankful he could drool over his son’s hot nurse,” Jasmin mumbled, effectively dodging Buck’s swat.

“Look,” Buck said seriously looking at his friend, “Eddie works at the same fire station as my sister’s boyfriend. It would be awkward. Besides, I’m not sure if I’m even ready to date again.”

“I’ve known you for a year and you’ve never so much as look at another man. But you were looking today. That means something. Work shouldn’t be your whole life. You deserve to be happy, Buck.”

The two friends let the conversation drop as they finished cleaning and tidying up the treatment room, leaving Buck to spiral with his thoughts. Jasmine wasn’t wrong. He did like Eddie. He was a beautiful man, anyone with eyes could see that, and seemed very kind. But it was more than that. There was a pull Buck felt around him, like he just wanted to sit and talk to him for hours if he could. Not to mention how soft he was with his son. Jasmine was also right about him not dating or being interesting in someone in the last year. The last 3 years if he was honest. Not since Paul. No since he ran away from everything that had happened in Vegas. Besides, even if Eddie was minutely interested in Buck, he didn’t deserve to deal with the hot mess that he was.

“Your firefighter left his kid’s backpack,” Jasmine stated, pulling the object from behind the chair the school nurse had been sitting in while waiting for Eddie to arrive.

“First, he’s not my firefighter,” Buck groaned, slightly exasperated with this friend. “Second, how do you know it’s not some other patient’s?”

“You mean besides the fact that ‘Christopher Diaz’ is written right on it?” She asked him with raised eyebrows, turning the bag so Buck could see the name scrawled on the back.

“Eddie’s phone number is in Chris’ med file. We should probably call him and let him know it’s here.”

Jasmin gave him a somewhat evil smirk, “I have a better plan,” she said, grabbing Buck’s arm with her free hand and pulling him from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All feed back is welcome. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @kml8990


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lonestar Day!

Chapter 4

“I can’t believe I let her talk me into this,” Buck mumbled to himself as he stared in his review mirror at Fire station 118.

After a lot of nagging from Jasmine and one awkward phone call to his sister, Buck was sitting in his jeep, which was parked in Fire Station 118’s parking lot. Christopher Diaz’s backpack resting on his passenger’s seat. To say his sister was confused when he called her last night asking for the station number her boyfriend worked at would be putting it mildly. Buck had tried to explain to her the situation of Christopher’s left backpack and want to return it, but Maddie had seen right through him. They may have been out of contact for a few years, but she was still his sister. Jasmine, who had been sitting next to him when he had made the call cackled at the blush that took over his face when Maddie hadn’t held back with her teasing.

And now, after literally begging Maddie for the station number, Buck sat nervously in his jeep like a total creeper. He tried to take comfort in the fact that Maddie hadn’t tried to steer him away from Eddie. If the man hadn’t been into guys or otherwise unavailable, he was sure his sister would’ve told him. That, however, didn’t mean that Eddie would be interested in him in the slightest. With a deep breath, Buck forced himself to push open his car door and exit the vehicle, dragging the backpack he was there to return with him.

The fire station was truly massive and Buck felt slightly overwhelmed as he walked through the ground floor where the trucks were parked. He was about ready to just go back to his car and forget about Jasmine’s plan, when a somewhat familiar voice came from behind him.

“Buck?” Chimney asked, making his way over to the clearly lost man. “What are you doing here? Is Maddie okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. She’s fine,” Buck was quick to reassure, “I’m actually here to see, uh… Eddie.”

“Eddie?” Chim blinked at him, bewildered.

“Yeah. I, uh, treated his son in the ER yesterday,” he explained, rubbing nervously at the back of his neck, “They left Chris’ backpack at the hospital,” he held up the bag as evidence.

“Oh, right. Well it’s nice of you to come here and return it. Eddie’s upstairs with the rest of the crew. Follow me,” Chimney waved buck to follow him as he led them up the stairs and into the loft area of the firehouse. “Diaz, you’ve got a visitor,” he announced when he got to the top.

Buck watched as Eddie looked over his shoulder from his seat on the couch and his furrowed brow of confusion turned into a warm smile. “Buck, hey,” he greeted, standing up and rounding the couch to stand in front of the blonde man.

Buck help up the backpack, “I found this when cleaning the treatment room after you guys left. I figured even if Chris didn’t go back to school today, he’d need it eventually.”

“Thank you,” Eddie replied sincerely, taking the bag from Buck. “I’m sorry you had to drive it over here.”

“I didn’t mind,” Buck shrugged as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked on the balls of his feet.

“Would you like to stay for lunch? Cap makes plenty,” Eddie invited.

“No thank you, I really should go,” Buck turned down the offer, “I just got off shift and have 12 hours before I’m back on. I plan to spend at least half of those asleep,” He explained, hoping in his head that there was a tiny bit of disappointment in Eddie’s eyes and that he wasn’t just making it up.

“Oh…well…please let me make it up to you soon? Coffee maybe?”

Buck studied Eddie’s face closely. He seemed genuinely interested in seeing Buck again, and he’d be lying if it didn’t send a flare of happiness through his heart. “Sure,” he agreed with a nod, making Eddie break out into a large grin that could rival Christopher’s.

“Give me your phone,” Eddie instructed, taking the device from Buck once he had fished it from his pocket and unlocked it. “Now you have my number,” he said happily, returning it to Buck after saving his contact information in it. “Let me know when you’re free. I’d love to buy you coffee or something as a thank you.”

Buck swallowed and what he was sure were pterodactyls erupted in his stomach as his blue eyes met Eddie’s brown, “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” Eddie insisted, “Just let me know when you’re free.”

Buck nodded and was fortunately spared from answering by the alarm going off. He startled at the sudden loud noise and stepped back. Eddie offered him a gentle smile, “Duty calls,” and Buck watched silently as the other man dashed down the stairs to join the rest of his team.

He walked over the railing of the loft and watched the well oiled machine that was firehouse 118 get ready to leave on their call. Eddie looked up and caught his eye, shooting him a wink before disappearing into the truck, which pulled out of the station a moment later. Buck stood in the loft until the trucks were fully out of the station before heading back downstairs and out to his jeep, Eddie’s wink replaying in his mind. 

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

True to his word, once Buck got back to his apartment after leaving the station, he stripped himself of his clothes and burrowed into his bed. It was minutes before he was passed out, the exhaustion of working a night shift in the ER making it very easy to fall asleep. 

He was awoken 7 hours later by someone knocking at his door. He groaned and pulled the blankets over his head, hoping that if he ignored it, whomever it was would leave. No such luck was to be had when the knocking continued a moment later. With a huff of frustration, Buck threw the blankets off of himself and reluctantly left the warmth of his bed and made his way to his door. He wrenched the door open forcefully, while leaning his other arm against the door jam to hold himself up.

On the other side of the door stood Maddie, blinking surprisingly at her brother and taking in his appearance. It was then that Buck remember that he had gone to sleep in only his boxers. He hid himself more fully behind the door and out of his sister’s view.

“Did you just wake up?” Maddie asked him curiously as she pushed into her brothers apartment without his invitation.

“You say that like I didn’t just work throughout the night while most of LA was asleep.”

“Fair point. Sorry, I didn’t think you’d still be asleep,” Maddie apologized, making her way to her brother’s Keurig and beginning to brew a cup of coffee. “Do you maybe want to put some clothes on?” She asked teasingly as she looked at her brother over her shoulder.

“Do you maybe want to get out of my apartment so I can go back to bed?” Buck countered as he made his way back toward his bedroom.

“Not going to happen!” Maddie called after him, “Get dressed! We’re going to talk.”

Buck grumbled to himself as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looked longingly at his empty bed for a moment before making his way back out to the main room where Maddie now sat at his kitchen table, a cup of coffee for each of them already on the table. 

Maddie graciously allowed Buck a few moments to sit and sip his coffee before the interrogation began, “So….Chimney told me that you stopped by the station to see Eddie this morning.” She said, as casually as she could.

“Yeah,” Buck shrugged, avoiding eye contact, “I told you I was going to return his son’s backpack. That’s why I asked you for the station number.”

“Uh huh….you did,” Maddie nodded, watching as her brother stared into his coffee cup like it held the secrets of the world. “And Chim may have mentioned that Eddie asked you out for coffee?”

“He didn’t ask me out,” Buck denied, glancing up at his sister and then looking down again. “He just wanted to say thank you. I told him he didn’t need to thank me.” 

“Chimney said there was a vibe between you two,”

“Well Chimney needs to mind his own business,” Buck snapped before sighing and rubbing his hand across his face, “Sorry,” he apologized a moment later.

Maddie reached across the table and squeezed Buck’s hand, “I’m sorry. I’ll quit teasing.”

Buck offered her a tight smile and squeezed her hand back, “It’s okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maddie offered, “Between the weird phone call yesterday and now that Chim told me about today….if feels like there’s something that you might want to talk about.”

Buck signed again and pulled back from his sister, refusing to meet her eyes. “I think I like Eddie,” he mumbled softly.

“Isn’t that a good thing? Why do you sound like it’s a death sentence?”

“Not a death sentence, just a highway to disappointment,”

“Why would you say that?” Maddie asked, trying to meet her brother’s eyes but Buck was doing a good job of avoiding her gaze. “Eddie’s a great guy. A little stilted when it comes to really talking about his feelings at times, but he’s got a good heart.”

“I don’t doubt that. But…I wouldn’t be good for him.” Buck said, chewing nervously on his thumbnail.

“You’re not making any sense,” Maddie stated, reaching out and pulling Buck’s hand away from his mouth. “Talk to me Evan. What is going on in that head of yours?”

“Maddie,” Buck sighed, finally meeting his sister’s eyes, “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of while we weren’t talking.”

“Illegal things?” She asked seriously, but didn’t let go of her brothers hand or stop meeting his gaze.

“No. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t bad things.”

“Are you being cryptic on purpose?”

“I’m not ready to talk about it yet,” Buck answered, pulling his hand away from his sister and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Evan, you know I love you, right?” Maddie asked, and waited for Buck to nod before she continued. “I loved you when you pulled that little girl, Emily’s, hair when you were in kindergarten. I loved you when you snuck into my room and accidentally broke my antique jewelry box when you were 8. I loved you when you hit puberty and yelled at me every day for a month for no reason at all. I loved you when you lied to me about being gay in high school because you were afraid I’d be angry with you. I loved you even when you disappeared for 5 years. Whatever it is that you did, that you think was bad, I promise that I’m still going to love you no matter what it is. My love for you, baby brother, is unconditional.” Buck sniffed across from her, wiping roughly at his eyes when tears he had stubbornly tried to keep at bay escaped. 

“I wouldn’t even know where to start…” he mumbled.

“You don’t have to tell me everything. You don’t have to tell me anything at all if you really don’t want to….but it feels like maybe you need to get some of if off your chest.”

Silence settled between the two siblings. Buck struggling with what to say and Maddie determined to give her brother all the time he needed to collect his thoughts. Maddie’s coffee cup was empty and Buck’s coffee had long grown cold before he felt able to speak again.

“Have you noticed that I don’t really liked being touched…especially by strangers?” he asked, still not looking at his sister.

“To be honest…not really? I’ve noticed that you’re stiff when I hug you sometimes,” Maddie admitted.

“I don’t like being touched anymore. Not since Paul.”

“Paul?”

Buck took a deep breath before looking up and launching into a long overdue conversation, “When I flew back to the states from South America, after the last time I had called you, I had very little money left. I didn’t know what I wanted to do really, but I knew that I didn’t want to go back home to Hershey. As much as I wanted to see you, I couldn’t be in the same place as Mom and Dad. So…I took what money I had left and used it to buy a bus ticket to the farthest place I could afford. I ended up in Vegas.”

“That’s where you’ve been the last 5 years? Vegas?” Maddie asked

Buck shook his head, “Not the whole time, but yeah…in the beginning. I got off the bus in Vegas and had no money and no plan, but I knew the casinos stayed open all night so at least I could go there and get off of the street. I went into the first one I came across and just….roamed the entire place. The free drinks kept me hydrated and there were so many people there that it was like I was anonymous. I could stay there as long as I wanted and no one would know that I had no place to go. Eventually I found a corner to huddle in and just watched everything happening around me and trying to figure out a plan. That’s when I met Paul. He tripped over my leg because he didn’t see me sitting on the floor. I apologized, he was drunk and flirty…one thing led to another and I ended up leaving with him that night.”

Buck heaved a tired sigh and stood up from the table, unable to sit still while he continued the story. “When I woke up in his apartment the next morning, I figured that I’d just leave. I could do one night stands. I’d done them before. And it had been nice to have a place to crash, but he was a complete stranger. I couldn’t just stay there…but he insisted. He bought me breakfast, listened to me bare my soul and talk about my troubles. He said some flattering things and offered to let me stay with him as long as I needed. I just figured….friends with benefits or something. Just until I had a plan.”

“Buck…” Maddie breathed, having a sudden fear of where this was going.

“I stayed with him for a week, before I decided it was time to leave and figure out a long term plan, but when I tried to go…Paul wouldn’t let me.” Buck revealed, looking down at the floor. “After first it was just mean words and the occasional shove. I’m not really sure what he did for work. I think he was a trust fund kid or something because his apartment was massive and it didn’t seem like he had a job. Because he was there all of the time, it was impossible to just leave. The more I tried to leave the more violent he got, and he made it very clear that I wouldn’t ever be allowed to leave on my own accord.” Buck turned to face his sister, tears swimming in his blue eyes, “But eventually it wasn’t just shoves and words anymore. It was holding me down and having his way with me. It was being forced to do things that I didn’t want to do…and not just with him. After a while he brought some friends in as well.”

“Evan,” Maddie said sadly, standing up and crossing over to him. She hesitated before opening her arms, allowing Buck to decide if he wanted to close the gap or not. Buck didn’t hesitate. He folded his much taller frame into his big sisters arms and cried silently into her neck as she held him close and did her best to offer him comfort of some kind. 

Buck sniffed as he clutched onto his sister, “On night, he was in a real bender. Drank and smoked so much he passed out on the living room floor. He was so out of it that he didn’t even feel me pull the keys from his pocket. He had a deadbolt on the inside of the front door so I couldn’t just leave. But I was able to leave that night. I left everything I owned behind and just ran. I ended up stumbling into a police station and reporting him just because I didn’t know of anywhere else to go. I had been locked in that apartment for almost 2 years, Maddie,” Buck sobbed.

“Shhh….it’s okay,” Maddie soothed, running her hand up and down her brother’s back.

“But it’s not!” Buck exclaimed, pulling away from his sister and wiping harshly at his eyes. “I don’t want to be touched. The thought of ever having sex again makes me want to puke. No man is ever going to want to be with me because of that. Eddie may be a nice guy, but everyone has their limits.”

“Evan…”

“And I don’t blame him….or anyone really. Not after what I’ve done.”

“Evan.” Maddie since firmly, placing her hands on either side of her brother’s face and forcing him to look at her. “You didn’t do anything. None of what happened to you was your fault.” She said firmly.

“I made the choice to go home with a complete stranger that night. I stayed with him when he insisted because I didn’t want to face the fact that I had no money and no place to go. I made those choices, and then Paul decided to make it so I didn’t have a choice anymore.”

“What Paul and his friends did was not your fault and it will never be your fault.” Maddie pushed on, hoping Evan would believe her. 

Evan sniffled loudly and sat back down in his chair, “After I went to the police, they put me in touch with this organization who helps people get away from violent home situations. They put me up in a motel, helped me find a job and enroll in nursing school. I stayed in Vegas for 6 more months to go through the trial and everything….not that it mattered. He just got probation.” Buck scoffed, slapping the table in anger. “When I was ready to find a new place, they helped me get settled in LA. I’ve been here for two and a half years now.”

“Can I ask,” Maddie hedged, taking back her seat across from her brother. “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been there for you through it all. You have to know that.”

“I do,” Buck nodded, picking at the table to avoid Maddie’s eyes, “I just….I was a mess Mads. More than I am now. I was afraid to step outside for a while. Complete shut in. I didn’t want to bring you into my mess. I didn’t want you to see me like that. And before you ask…I didn’t reach out when I finally got back on my feet because I wasn’t the same person anymore. I’m not. And I didn’t know how to explain that.”

“Would you have ever tried to find me again?” Maddie asked, trying to keep the sadness from her voice.

“Honestly?” Buck looked up, “I don’t know. But…I am glad you found me.”

“I’m glad I found you too,” the two siblings sat in silence for a while. Maddie trying to wrap her head around everything her brother had just told her, and Buck trying to get his emotions in check enough to move on from the conversation. Maddie got up to refill their coffee mugs before sitting back down, “Evan, have you ever seen anyone to….talk or to help you cope?”

“There’s a doc at the hospital. He does the psych consultations in the ER. I think he zeroed in on me the moment he met me. It took a while, but a few months into working in LA General, I finally took him up on his offer to talk. I don’t go weekly or anything…just when I feel like I need to.”

“I’m really proud of you,” Maddie stated firmly, making Buck look up at her in surprise. “I’m serious. You went through a long term trauma and look at you now?”

Buck snorted, “Yeah, I’m a crying mess afraid of being touched or ever being in a relationship again.”

“No. You’re the head nurse at LA General where you help people every day. You got yourself out of a horrific situation and built a life for yourself. I’m sure it was hard, but you never gave up. And while you may still have a hard time sometimes, you don’t let it run your life. That is remarkable, if you ask me.”

“Thanks Mads,” Buck whispered, giving his sister a half smile.

“How about a Buckley day? Like we did when we were kids and upset? Take out, Movie, Blanket fort?”

“I have work in like 5 hours,” Buck protested, but the smile on his face told Maddie that he wasn’t opposed to the idea.

“Enough time to get through at least 1 movie,” She stated surely, standing up from the table and moving to Buck’s living room to begin setting things up. “And for what it’s worth,” She called over her shoulder, “I think Eddie would surprise you if you were willing to give him a chance.”

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“Let me get this straight,” Jasmine said incredulously three days later as she sat across from Buck in the hospital cafeteria, “You had a hunk of a man give you his phone number and say that he wanted to take you out and you still haven’t texted him?”

“He was just being nice,” Buck protested before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“I used to think only straight boys were dumb, but I’ve changed my mind. Sometimes the gay ones are the dumbest of them all,” Jasmine mumbled, ignoring the squawk of objection from across the table, “He specifically said that he wanted to take you out for coffee, right?”

“He said he wanted to make it up to me. Maybe get coffee. Maybe being the operative word.”

“He was asking you out without actually asking you out,” Jasmine said with a bit of frustration, “I know you can be oblivious sometimes, but c’mon. The man wanted to see you again and now you’re blowing him off.”

“I’m not blowing him off. He hasn’t texted me either.”

“He took the first step by asking you. The ball is in your court now,” with that, Jasmine scooped her tray up to dispose of it and go back to work, leaving Buck to his thoughts in the middle of the crowded cafeteria. 

Buck sat back in his chair, throwing his sandwich back down on the plate with a sigh. Suddenly he wasn’t hungry anymore. Jasmine and Maddie both seemed to think he was being dumb about the Eddie situation, and if two women both thought that, it probably meant he was in fact, being dumb. But reaching out to Eddie…setting himself up for rejection not to mention the possibility of not being able to return physical affection should they go on a date made Buck want to find a black hole to swallow him up. 

He fished his phone out of his pocket and pulled up Eddie’s contact information. He wouldn’t even know how to start the message, now that it had been so long. He started the message four different times, erasing what he wrote without pressing send each time. Finally he figured one word was better than no words and pressed send before placing his phone face down on the table.

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_Hey_

Buck forced himself to finish his sandwich before picking his phone up again, even after it had buzzed a few minutes after he had sent his message.

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_Is this the elusive Evan Buckley?_

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_Yeah. Sorry it took so long_

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_Its fine. I’m sure the ER keeps you busy. You ready to make a plan to get that coffee?_

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_I’m working the next 5 days straight. Night shift, 8-8. Next week?_

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_I’ll text you my days off when I look at the schedule tomorrow. Maybe we’ll be able to make one of them work._

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_Sounds like a plan._

Buck stuffed his phone back into his pocket and took care of his tray before heading back to the ER, some pressure off his chest, but nerves still making his heart race nonetheless.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Eddie stirred the pasta sauce on the stove while reading through the last text message Buck had sent him, a rant about how people needed to use their common sense more so they wouldn’t end up in his ER. The two had been texting regularly since Buck had finally reached out two days ago. Before that, Eddie worried he had come on too strong and scared the other man away. A crash coming from the living room made Eddie look away from his phone to where his son sat in front of the TV, his giant box of legos now spilled on the floor. Eddie winced, already knowing he would find a stray lego with his foot later that evening, but he didn’t reprimand his son. Only have one working hand was hard for the little boy who already struggled with coordination and dexterity. 

Eddie sighed and turned back to finishing dinner, putting his phone away so he could focus. Even though he and Buck had been texting frequently, they hadn’t made a plan yet to get coffee. Their work schedules conflicting enough to give them very little options to meet up. At one point he even thought about just asking Buck to come visit him at the station, but not only was that not what he wanted at all, he was sure that Buck wouldn’t like being around so many people he didn’t really know. He seemed like the skittish type. 

As he was plating their dinner, he had a sudden thought, “Hey Chris?” He called over to his son as he set their food on the table. “After dinner, you want to take a ride?”

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Eddie glanced at this watch after he parked outside LA General. 9:30 PM. Buck had been on shift for an hour and a half now, and based on how much Buck had been texting him it had been a rather slow hour and a half in the ER. He glanced in his review mirror at his son, who sat in his seat, clad in pajamas and holding a tray of drinks in his lap with a wide smile.

“You ready to surprise Buck?” he asked his son, who nodded animatedly. 

Eddie got out of the truck and went to the bed of it to grab Christopher’s wheelchair. Only having one working wrist, meant the boy was unable to use his crutches like normal and while Christopher hated using his wheel chair, he had finally stopped arguing with Eddie after he fell in the hallway of their house the day before when trying to use just one crutch. He unfolded the chair, locking it in place before opening the back door. He removed the tray of drinks from Christopher’s lap and rested it on the hood of his truck before helping Christopher out and getting him settled. Once Chris was situated, he placed the tray of drinks back in his son’s lap before closing the truck door, locking the vehicle, and pushing his son through the entrance of the ER.

Once inside the rather empty reception area, Eddie found a spot out of the way to park Christopher’s wheel chair and pull out his cellphone. He pulled up Buck’s contact and pressed the call button, holding the device up to his ear. Buck picked up after the second ring. 

“Eddie Diaz? To what do I owe the pleasure of an actual phone call?” Buck asked into his phone, curiosity and a touch of nervousness lacing his voice.

“You busy?” was all he asked, grinning down at his son who was grinning back up at him.

“If by busy you mean banging my head against the counter out of pure boredom, than yes…I am very busy.”

“Well, do you think you can give up a few moments of your self-inflicted headache to have a couple of visitors?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just come out to the lobby,” Eddie instructed before hanging up the phone.

Not a moment later, the door leading from the lobby to the ER opened, revealing a very confused Buck clad in Micky Mouse scrubs. When he spotted Chris and Eddie he walked over, an unsure smile on his face.

“We brought you coffee!” Christopher blurted out happily once Buck was within earshot.

“You did?” Buck asked, his smile widening at the gesture and Chris’ enthusiasm.

“I figured since we can’t seem to find a time that works for both of us, I’d bring the coffee date to you. If you have the time, that is.”

“I’d like that,” Buck said softly, his blue eyes locking with Eddie’s brown, a shy smile stretching across his face at Eddie’s relieved one. “Come with me,” Buck instructed, leading the Diaz boys through the lobby door and into the ER. He ignored Jasmine’s shit-eating grin as he passed the nurses station, “Taking a break Jaz,” he called out to her, leading Chris and Eddie into the staff lounge, “You’re in charge.”

“If now’s not a good time, we can leave,” Eddie offered, pushing Christopher’s wheel chair through the lounge door and towards the small round table in the corner of the room.

“No it’s fine. It’s ridiculously slow right now, but I’m sure I’ll regret saying that in a few hours when we turn into a revolving door of ambulances.” Buck reassured, motioning Eddie to sit down at the table before taking a seat.

Eddie pulled the drink tray off of Chris’ lap, handing his son the small hot chocolate he had ordered for him and Buck a white chocolate mocha, keeping the plain coffee with a splash of cream for himself. Buck took a sip, before raising his eyebrow at Eddie, “How did you know my coffee order?”

Eddie shrugged, “I have my sources,”

“In other words, you called my sister.” Buck stated with a laugh which made Eddie laugh as well.

“Guilty. I didn’t want to get you something you wouldn’t drink.”

“Well thank you,” Buck said softly, “This was a nice surprise,”

“I’m glad. I was worried that I may have overstepped,” Eddie admitted, sipping at his own drink.

“Not in the slightest,”

“Buck! Did you see my cast?” Christopher interrupted, drawing both men’s attention to him, “All my friends at school signed it!”

“That’s awesome bud!” Buck said enthusiastically, reaching out to ruffle Chris’ curls, “That’s probably the best part of having a cast.”

Chris nodded, “Will you sign it too?” he asked the nurse, eyes wide behind his glasses.

“I would love to,” Buck replied sincerely, reaching into his scrub shirt’s pocket and pulling out a black sharpie. He hunched over Christopher’s casted arm, scribbling something that Eddie couldn’t see from his position. When he sat back and recapped the marker, on Chris’ red cast was a rough sketch of the superman symbol and _‘Keep flying superman, -Buck’_ written underneath it. The smiles shared between Chis and Buck made Eddie’s heart flutter. “So, tell me about your week?” Buck inquired, leaning back in his seat and splitting his focus between Eddie and Chris as they shared their week’s adventures. 

The talked for close to 30 minutes before Buck announced that he should get back to work. Eddie had to agree that they should go. It was way past Christopher’s bed time, and the boy was half asleep where he sat, but luckily tomorrow was Saturday and Eddie wasn’t working. That meant a sleep in for both of them. Buck gathered their now empty cubs and the drink carrier, disposing of them before walking back to Eddie who stood from the table.

“Thanks for this,” the blonde said softly, “It was a nice surprise.”

“You’re welcome,” Eddie responded, a soft smile gracing his features. He took a deep breath before locking eyes with the man in front of him, “Would you be interested in meeting me for dinner or something sometime. This time, without my mini-me?” he asked.

A litany of emotions crossed Buck’s face. Surprise, nervousness, uncertainty. He pulled his lower lip into his mouth, chewing on it lightly, “Eddie…I like you. A lot.”

“But…” Eddie prompted with a sad smile,

“But….I’m a bit of a mess. Not sure I’m ready for anything serious yet.” The blonde admitted.

“Who said anything about serious?”

“Eddie…”

“Just here me out,” Eddie interrupted, holding up his hands, “It doesn’t have to mean anything. It can just be two friends getting a meal. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t maybe want more, but I won’t push you into anything you don’t want.”

Buck studied Eddie’s face for a moment, “Friends?” he asked, holding out his hand.

Eddie shook it, “Friends,” 

“Then, yes, my _friend_ , I would love to grab a meal sometime.”

Buck walked Eddie and Christopher out to the lobby, bidding them both a good night and watching from the doorway of the hospital as Eddie loaded his son and his chair into his truck before driving off. When he returned to the ER, he was greeted by Jasmine standing in front of the Nurses station with raised eyebrows and a wide grin. “Tell. Me. EVERYTHING.”

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Trauma doesn’t go away. Buck knows this for a fact. You can work through trauma, make it a little more bearable, ensure that is doesn’t seep its way into every aspect of your life. But it’s always there, waiting to rear its ugly head when you least expect it.

Buck’s not immune to bad days. They’re less frequent than they were a year ago, but he still has them. These are the days that feel heavy from the moment he opens his eyes. The days where the thought of getting out of bead is unbearable and his limbs feel like lead and his brain foggy. There are no warning signs. Buck doesn’t even know they’re coming until they’re there. On these days it takes all he has just to unlock his phone and call the hospital to let them know he won’t be coming in. 

On the bad days every sound makes Buck want to jump out of his skin. The voices in the hallway of his apartment building have him holding his breath until they pass his door and disappear. One of the reason’s Buck rented a loft instead of a regular apartment was the benefit of not having any upstairs neighbors. In his last apartment, any time the upstairs neighbors dropped something, he’d have a minor panic attack wondering if someone up there was getting hurt like he had. He stays burrowed under his blankets, head pressed into his pillow, willing this feeling to just pass. He hates these days. They make him feel useless. 

Normally, on these bad days, Buck completely ignores his phone. For the longest time, the only person who ever texted him was Jasmine. Then six months ago Maddie was added to the list. Ignoring them on these days was easy. There wasn’t any guilt at ignoring them. Now that Eddie and him have been texting for a while now, Buck can’t ignore his phone when it buzzes on his night stand. He can’t shake the disappointment of possibly missing a text from Eddie, and he’s not entirely sure why. He reached out and pulled the device from his nightstand where it’s still tethered to its charging cable, but he doesn’t pay any mind to it as he checks the screen. There’s 3 missed texts from Jasmine asking why he skipped out on work and if he was okay. The one that grabs his attention though is the single message from Eddie:

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese_

_Christopher wanted me to pass that along to you. Hope you have a good day!_

Buck snorts at the first message, and when the second message comes through tears prickle behind Buck’s eyes. He hasn’t ever had someone in his life that would text him something as simple as a wish for a good day. Too bad this isn’t a good day. Buck wiped at his eyes, and shot back a quick response, not willing to leave any message from Eddie left unanswered no matter how crappy he felt.

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_Tell Chris thanks for the joke. I needed a smile._

Buck relocked his phone and is just about ready to place it back on his night stand when it starts buzzing in his hand. He looked at it, thinking that it was just another text message, and was surprised to see an incoming FaceTime call from Eddie. Buck was aware he looked a mess. Blanket pulled up to his chin, what he’s sure is some impressive bedhead and tired, red rimmed eyes. His first instinct was to ignore the call, but If there is one thing Buck has realized about Eddie Diaz, it’s that he is nothing if not persistent. On the last ring, Buck swiped answer on the call, watching as Eddie’s handsome face filled the screen.

“Hey,” he greets, well aware that his voice was scratchy and weak.

“Hey,” Eddie replied, brows furrowed as he studied Buck’s disheveled appearance. “You okay?”

Buck cleared his throat, “Yeah. Just not feeling great.”

“Ahh….I’m sure working in an ER means you’re prone to picking up many bugs,” Eddie sympathized.

“I’m not sick….just…off.” Buck explained, watching as Eddie’s concerned frown deepened. 

“What are your plans for today?” Eddie asked after a moment.

“This? Bed, naps, mindless television.”

“I get off work at 3. Christopher is with my Abuela tonight. Feel up for some company later?”

Buck’s first instinct is to say no. On these days he just wants to be as far away from other people as he could possibly get. He doesn’t have the energy to slap on fake smiles and be good company when these days sneak up on him. However, as he looked at Eddie through his phone he can’t help but want to take the man up on his offer. For once, he doesn’t want to be alone.

“I think I’d like that,” he replied honestly. He doesn’t have it in him to smile or reassure the other man, but a gentle smile creeps up on Eddie’s face.

“Ok. Text me your address and I’ll pick up some food on the way over. Any requests?”

“Nothing heavy,” Buck mumbled.

“Got it. See you soon,” Eddie hung up and Buck let the phone fall next to him on the bed. Eddie would be at his apartment in four hours and Buck decided to pass the time with a nap. 

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

When someone knocked on his door at 3:45, Buck was still cocooned in his bed. He had only gotten up once during the day, just long enough to use the bathroom and grab a bottle of water before crawling back into bed. Even though he doesn’t enjoy the idea of getting up now, he’s knows who is on the other side of his door and the want to see that man encouraged him to leave the warmth of his bed and let said man in.

When Buck opened the door to reveal Eddie, he realized just how much of a mess he must look to the other man. The t-shirt he is wearing is so stretched out, the collar keeps slipping down one shoulder, his sweatpants are old and worn but the most comfortable thing he owns. He’s barefoot and sure his hair is standing on end. Eddie, however, looked freshly showered and was dressed in a dark green henley and black jeans. A spark of shame and embarrassment shot through him, but was eased slightly buy Eddie’s gentle smile.

“Hey man,” Eddied said softly, taking in Buck’s appearance briefly before holding up the bag in his hands, “Stopped by Panera and picked up some tomato soup and grilled cheese.”

Buck pulled the door open wider, allowing Eddie into his apartment, “That sounds nice, thank you.” He replied softly as Eddie stepped into his apartment and made his way straight to the kitchen. 

Buck stayed quiet as he watched Eddie unpack the food from a stool at the counter. Eddie hummed to himself as he made sure he had everything he needed. He slid a to go container of soup across the counter to Buck, followed by a sandwich and a plastic spoon. “Eat,” Eddie ordered softly, “You look like you need it.”

Eddie helped himself to his own soup and sandwich while Buck dug into what was in front of him. It was until the first spoonful of soup hit his stomach that he realized just how hungry he was. The pair ate in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable, which was strange considering they’ve only been together in person a handful of times. When they both were finished, Eddie gathered their trash and disposed of it before turning his full attention to Buck. “So, I heard there was this plan of….mindless TV?” he asked, leaning against the counter.

“I’m not very good company right now,” Buck said softly, looking down at his hands.

“I beg to differ, so…what are we watching?”

Buck shrugged but stood from his stool and made his way to the living room, hearing Eddie follow behind him. He gathered the blanket from the back of the couch and tucked it around his lower half as he sat down on the couch and picked up the remote. Eddie sat down beside him, taking the offered remote from Buck and turning the television on. There was a respectable distance between the two of them as Eddie scrolled through the options on Netflix and Buck just let him. “Have you ever seen Parks and Rec?” Eddie asked after scrolling through the que for a few minutes. He looked over at Buck, who shook his head. “I think you’ll like it. It’s perfect for when you just want something to fill the silence.” Eddie pressed play on the remote before placing it back on the table and leaning back into the couch cushions. 

When Eddie threw his arm across the back of the couch behind him, Buck was surprised to find he didn’t flinch at the movement. In fact, he found himself wanting to burrow in to Eddie’s now open side, Eddies warmth drawing him in.

“You know,” Eddie spoke softly, his eyes on the screen, but Buck could tell he wasn’t really focused on it, “When I got back from Afghanistan, I had a lot of days where I thought I just wanted to be left alone and allowed to bask in my own misery. And I did for a while. But the thing about having a kid, they don’t really ever leave you alone,” Eddie chuckled softly. “I soon realized that being alone made me feel worse. Something as simple as watching a cartoon with Chris made the darkness a little bit lighter,” Eddie finally turned to look at Buck with a gentle smile, “So I’ll leave if you want me to, but if you’ll let me…I’d really like to just sit here and watch TV with you. Maybe make the darkness a little lighter.”

Buck finally let himself lean against Eddie, tucking his face against the other man’s shoulder. Eddie’s arm came around his back, holding him close and for the first time in years another man’s touch was not making his heart race in fear but in thrill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finde me on Tumblr: @kml8990


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the lovely comments and kudos. They are so wonderful to see and read and definitely motivate me to write more so I can see you reactions.
> 
> Happy 9-1-1 Day! (Monday)

**CHAPTER 6:**

“You standing me up?” Buck asked in greeting as he answered his phone.

“No, just changing the venue,” came Maddie’s voice through the line, “I have been tasked with hanging out with one Christopher Diaz today because his dad got called into work to cover a short shift and his usual sitters can’t watch him today. So, how about we do coffee AND brunch at my place?”

“Hmmm….tempting me with food. You always knew the way straight to my heart,” Buck teased.

“I know its last minute, but Eddie practically begged me to watch him, and it’s hard for him to get around on his own right now with his cast. When I told him I was calling my brother, he asked if _his_ Buck was coming over too.”

“Well, how can I say no to that,” he replied softly, warmth filling his chest at just how sweet that little boy was. “I’ll bring the coffees to you,”

“Thanks little brother, see you soon!” Maddie said happily before ending the call. 

Buck signed and stuffed the phone into the pocket of his jeans and continued into the small coffee shop he was meant to meet Maddie in. He was already here, might as well get the good stuff instead of basic coffee from Maddie’s kitchen. He placed their usual order, adding in a small hot chocolate for the little man his sister was currently in charge of. After paying, he stepped back to wait, pulling his phone back out to type out a text.

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_Your kid stole my date_

He knew Eddie was working, so he didn’t expect a response as quickly as he got one, but it caused a smile to break out on his face nonetheless.

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_????? My son better not be dating. He’s only 8_

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_I think your safe, at least for a few more years.  
He commandeered my coffee date with Maddie_

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_Sorry. I had no one else to watch him so suddenly. One of the guys on this shift got injured, so I’m covering his last 6 hours._

_Sorry I ruined your plans._

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_How dare you insinuate Chris ruined my plans?! If anything, he’s made this day better. I’m bringing him some hot cocoa and we’re going to talk all things Legos and pretend Maddie isn’t even there. No girls allowed._

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From** Eddie Diaz

_Just don’t tell your sister it was my idea. She’s kinda scary.  
And, don’t feed Chris a bunch of sugar or you’re dealing with the crash later. _

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_I make no promises._

When the barista called his name, Buck locked his phone and returned it to his pocket before grabbing the tray of drinks and heading back to his car. While this was not how he had expected the day to go, he couldn’t say he wasn’t okay with the change. 

The drive to Maddie’s didn’t take long despite Buck driving at a snail’s pace to avoid spilling the tray of hot drinks all over the interior of his jeep. He parked in her driveway and locked the car as he carried the drinks to the door. He knocked twice, listening to a slight rumble coming from the other side of the door before a soft voice called out.

“Who is it?”

“Your favorite nurse!” Buck called back with a grin, waiting patiently as he heard the deadbolt flip and the door pull back to reveal a smiling Christopher.

The boy, still unable to use his normal crutches due to his casted wrist, was situated in the center of a walker that had padding to support his chest and back. Buck often saw patients in physical therapy using them when gaining strength back in their legs. The kid took a step back, allowing Buck just enough room to squeeze in the door and close it behind him.

“Hey Superman,” he greeted, reaching out to ruffle Christopher’s curls as the boy backed down the hall in his walker, not enough room in the hall to fully turn around.

“Aunt Maddie said I could only open the door if I knew who it was and asked first. But I already knew it was you,” Christopher complained, making Buck chuckle.

“It’s still good to always check,” he reassured the boy as they entered the main living space where Christopher was finally able to turn around in his walker. “Thanks for greeting me at the door.”

“He hasn’t sat down since he found out you were coming over,” Maddie called from the open kitchen area. 

Buck turned and sat the tray of drinks down on the kitchen island before walking around it to press a kiss to his sister’s temple, “That’s because Chris thinks I’m cool even if you don’t,” he replied, smiling at Maddie when he heard Christopher giggle from behind him. 

“You want to help Chris get settled at the table while I plate the omelettes?” she asked her brother, turning her attention back to the pan on the stove.

“Omelettes?” He raised his eyebrow and looked over at a beaming Chris, “Maddie’s getting fancy on us now,” He moved quickly to avoid his sister’s playful swat and led Christopher to the small table tucked in the back of the living space. 

He helped unlock Chris from the walker and held it still as the boy shuffled over to the chair, easily sliding into it and allowing Buck to push the chair closer to the table. After making sure Chris was set, he returned to the kitchen island to grab the drinks, setting the hot chocolate before the boy and placing his and Maddie’s drinks in front of the empty chairs they would soon be occupying. He was just about to ask his sister if she needed any help when she appeared beside him, 3 plates balanced professionally on her arms and hands.

“Alright, one ham, cheese, and mushroom omelette for the non-picky eater,” she said, placing the plate down in front of Chris, “And one basic ham and cheese omelette for the man who’s palate is worse than a child’s,” she added, placing said omelette down in front of her brother.

“Hey,” Buck protested defensively as Christopher giggled beside him, “The last time you cooked me a meal I was like….20 years old. My taste buds could’ve evolved since then!”

Maddie leveled her brother with a look that called his bluff, one that he hadn’t seen in many years, “And have they?”

Buck’s pause before opening his mouth to respond told her everything she needed to know, and she laughed as she took her seat across from him, “Well…no. But they still could’ve!” he mumbled as he took his own seat.

“Buck, are you going to stay all day?” Chris asked enthusiastically, some egg sliding down his chin since she couldn’t contain his grin while eating.

Buck chuckled, reaching for his coffee and taking a sip, “Well….it would probably be more fun than going home and doing laundry…”

Christopher nodded frantically, “I brought Legos! You could help me build a castle!”

“A castle, huh?” Buck asked, hiding his smile and sharing a glance with Maddie, “I don’t know buddy….I’m not the best lego builder.”

“You don’t have to be! Daddy says that just because we aren’t the best at something doesn’t mean we should stop doing it if we like it.” The boy said firmly, taking another bite of food.

Buck’s smile turned soft at the mention of Eddie, and Maddie caught it, raising her eyebrow at her brother who promptly ignored her, “Your dad can be pretty smart.”

“Are you and my dad best friends now?” Christopher asked, making Buck pause mid-bite, “Daddy said he brought you soup the other day when you weren’t feeling good.”

Buck wasn’t sure how to answer the innocent question. He didn’t want to lie to the boy and get his hopes up that Buck would be around more because he and his dad were friends. Not when he knew there was a strong possibility that Eddie wouldn’t want anything to do with him if Buck ever old him about his past. At the same time, Buck wanted to say yes, because Eddie made him feel comfortable in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Maddie’s deeply interested gaze didn’t help him focus to come up with an appropriate answer, either.

“I wouldn’t say best friends,” Buck finally responded, “At least not yet. We’ve only hung out a few times. We’re friends, but to be someone’s best friend you have to know them really well.”

“Like how I know Jack? He’s my best friend at school. I know his favorite color is green and he loves Star Wars and hates it when his mom puts green peppers in his dinner.” The boy stated surely and Buck couldn’t help but smile at the innocence of the boy’s statement.

“Yeah. Like you know Jack,” Buck agreed “I don’t know your dad that well yet, but I think we could be best friends someday.”

“Well…if it helps, Daddy’s favorite color is blue, and he loves Monster’s Inc, even though it’s a kids movie. Also, his hates tomatoes.”

Buck threw his head back in laughter, and reached over to ruffle Chris’ curls. “Thanks bud, I’ll keep all of that In mind.”

~+~+~+~+~+~++~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Eddie never really understood why the shorter shifts always seemed to take more out of him. Maybe it was the fact that the shorter the shift the more likely to have back to back calls without a break to just relax, or it could be the built up adrenaline from the job being released the moment he stepped out the station doors for home. Either way, Eddie had only worked 6 hours and he was exhausted. He was debating in his head whether it would make him a bad parent if he just went through a drive thru for dinner tonight, when he pulled up in front of Maddie and Chim’s house.

After parking in the driveway next to the jeep he knew to be Buck’s, Eddie exited his vehicle and made his way to the front door, knocking before stepping back to wait. Maddie opened the door with a smile on her face a moment later, “Eddie, come in,” he greeting, stepping back from the door in invitation for him to come in. 

Eddie entered the house behind her, “How was he?” he asked as he followed her down the entry way.

“Chris was as sweet as ever,” she replied happily, “My brother on the other hand…”

“I saw his jeep in the driveway,”

“Yeah, he and Chris have been glued together all day. It was almost like I was watching 2 kids today and not just one. However the actual kid was much easier to deal with,” she joked as she lead him into the open living space and gestured like she was revealing something fabulous. 

Maddie and Chim’s normally pristine living room was anything but at the moment. Legos littered the flood with an unrecognizable structure standing in the middle of the mess. The coffee table was littered with snacks and empty juice boxes, and Moana played on the television. Eddie was about to apologize for the mess when his words got stuck in his throat at the sight on the couch. Buck was sprawled out on his back, head resting on a pillow and turned to face the screen, one of his long legs hanging off of the furniture and resting on the floor. His arms were curled around the sleeping frame of Christopher, who rested on the man’s chest, his own face turned toward the screen and his glasses askew on his face. The pair looked absolutely adorable together, and Eddie’s heart swelled with affection as he fought the instinct to take his phone out and snap a few photos.

“I already took some pictures. I’ll send them too you,” Maddie whispered, a mischievous look on her face that had Eddie laughing. 

“I’m sorry about the mess,” he apologized, “I’ll get it cleaned up and we’ll get out of your hair.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Maddie waved him off, “It reminded me of when Evan was a kid. It was always like a tornado went through whatever room he was in. That being said, I think this mess was more of my brother’s doing than Christopher’s.” Eddie chuckled softly. “So, I may be overstepping,” Maddie said as she looped her arm around Eddie’s and lead him through to the attached kitchen and away from the sleeping boys, “But Chim told me that you asked my brother out.”

Eddie could feel the blush creeping up to his ears at Maddie’s statement, “Yeah…I kinda did, but he never took me up on it. Said he wanted to be friends first.”

“It’s not really my place to say anything,” Maddie continued, glancing over Eddie’s shoulder at her brother, “But he’s been through a lot and he’s really guarded right now. I’m not telling you that you have to, or should wait for him to let some of his walls down….I’m just saying that If you do, he’ll be worth it.”

“I already knew that,” Eddie agreed, elaborating when Maddie just stared at him, “Christopher has always been this happy kid who welcomes everyone into his life. But welcoming and becoming attached to, are two very different things. He became attached to Buck the moment he met him. The two have only hung out together twice if you don’t count when he got hurt. And the first time was just a coffee break in the ER. But for some reason, my kid talks about him all of the time and wants to know when Buck will come over to the house now that we’re friends. I’d like to think Chris is a good judge of character, so if he wants Buck in his life, than I do as well, in whatever way he will have me.”

Maddie stared at Eddie for a few minutes, her silence making the man squirm slightly, “Have you and Evan had time to just talk? Without Chris?”

Eddie shook his head, “No. I brought over food to his place the other day, but he wasn’t really feeling great so we just watched tv until I had to leave.”

“Why don’t I keep Chris for a little while longer,” Maddie suggested, “I can make him dinner, and get his help cleaning the place up, even though it really was Evan’s fault, and you two can go grab something to eat, on your own.”

“I don’t know, Maddie,” Eddie replied unsure. He was exhausted, but he would never turn down time getting to know Buck. He just wasn’t sure what the other man would think of the plan, “I feel like Buck should be the one to make the choice.”

Maddie reached over and squeezed one of Eddie’s hands, “I think it’s wonderful that you are willing to move at his pace, but I’ll give you a little insight on my brother. He worries that he isn’t good enough, quite a lot. Always has since we were kids. That worry usually keeps him stuck in place until someone gives him a gentle shove in the right direction. You are the one who is going to have to give him that shove. Just remember to keep it gentle.”

With that, Maddie made her way back to the couch and knelt down next to Buck’s head. Eddie watched as she began running her fingers through Buck’s hair, whispering to him as she did in what had to be a practiced motion from Buck’s childhood. Eddie stayed at the kitchen island as Buck’s lashes fluttered before his eyes opened, a sleepy smile forming on his face at the sight of his sister. He couldn’t hear what Maddie was whispering, but he did see Buck tilt his head back to look at him before looking back at his sister and nodding. 

Buck sat up slowly, one hand cupping the back of Christopher’s head and the other wrapped securely around the boy’s tiny waist. He stood easily, before turning back to the couch and laying the still sleeping boy down in the spot he had just vacated, removing his glasses and putting them on the coffee table before straightening up and walking towards Eddie. 

“Hey,” He greeted, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he grinned at the man before him. “How was your day,”

“Busy,” Eddie responded, his own smile spreading across his face at Buck’s rumpled appearance. 

“I think my sister is trying to play match maker,” Buck whispered, “She said we should go have some adult time while she makes dinner for Chris.”

“Yeah. She said the same thing to me. And I have to say….I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Eddie admitted.

“Me either,” Buck agreed turning to head towards the door and fully expecting Eddie to follow. 

The pair agreed upon the small family owned diner that was just a few blocks away from Maddie’s home and decided it would be okay to walk there. The conversation as they strolled was amicable, but not deep. Checking in on each other’s day, discussing how warm is was for the season. When they arrived at the diner, they were quickly seated and spent a few moments in silence to peruse the menu. Once their orders were placed, Eddie finally gave his full attention to the man who sat opposite of him.

“Sound like you and Chris had a fun day,” he commented, unsure how to start the conversation. 

Buck’s smile was bright and wide as he chuckled, “Yeah, we did,” he agreed. “I love kids, but Christopher is a gem of his own.”

“Yeah. He’s pretty great.”

The pair was silent for a moment, not quite sure how to continue the conversation, “Eddie,” Buck spoked up after a moment, “I wanted to thank you. For the other day.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” Eddie waved him off.

“There is,” Buck insisted, “I wasn’t really in a good headspace. And I didn’t even know that I wanted company until you showed up.”

“I used to think on my bad days that it was better if I was away from everyone. I didn’t want anyone to see me that way, and I didn’t want to make anyone feel bad by being…off. But then I became a single parent and suddenly I had this joy of a kid around all the time, good days and bad. I quickly realized that my bad days went by faster with Christopher around. And they weren’t quite as dark. I understand wanting to be alone, but sometimes just sitting with someone can make all the difference.”

“Can I ask….where is Christopher’s mom?” Buck inquired nervously, afraid he had overstepped.

“I wasn’t always the best dad. Or partner,” the other man admitted, looking away from Buck and down at the table, “I did my first tour in Afghanistan and then Chris was born. The plan was for me to stay stateside, maybe even retire from the military. But then we got the CP diagnosis and were faced with all kinds of medical bills. I was scared. For my son and what his quality of life would end up being. But also because I wasn’t prepared for this in the slightest. So I ran. I did a second tour with the excuse of needing the medical insurance for Chris, when really….I just couldn’t deal. I left Shannon to take care of everything on her own. She and Chris lived with my parents in El Paso while I was gone. Then I got shot, was sent home and honorably discharged from the army. Being thrown back into civilian life was daunting, as were the nightmares that came from being in a battle field. Even though I was home, I didn’t feel like it. I felt like a stranger. Then one morning I woke up to Christopher in bed next to me and a note on the night stand saying she needed space.” Eddie looked up when Buck’s hand slid across the table to squeeze his arm. “She came out to LA to be with her mom. Chris and I stayed in El Paso for a few more years. I worked three jobs as one point just to make ends meet and my parents were harping on me to be a better dad. They even asked me to sign over custody of Christopher to them. That’s when I decided to leave Texas. I picked LA because they have the best fire department, and I guess a part of me was hoping we’d run into Shannon as well.”

“And did you?” Buck asked, fully invested in Eddie’s story.

“No. But I did reach out to her. She came around a bit. Built a relationship with Chris. She asked me for a divorce and then the next day she was hit by a car and killed.”

“Oh Eddie, I’m so sorry,”

“It was hard on Chris. On both of us, but especially Chris. That was about two years ago now.”

The conversation paused as their meals were delivered and the two dug in to quiet their growling bellies. 

“So what about you?” Eddie asked as they ate. “You know how I ended up in LA. How did you? I know Maddie mentioned you guys are from Pennsylvania.”

Buck nodded, using his full mouth as an excuse as to not answer right away, “Our parents aren’t the greatest,” Buck admitted after a moment, “As soon as I turned 18 I wanted to get as far away from them as I could. Maddie was still in Hershey, but she was busy making her own life. So I traveled up and down the east coast for a year or so. Did enough odd jobs to survive. Met a lot of interesting people and saw a lot of beautiful places, but I was still antsy. I saved up enough money for a plane ticket to Brazil and spent a couple of years bartending down there. When I decided to come back to the states, I bought a bus ticket to the farthest place I could afford – which happened to be Vegas. Was there for a while before I had to leave. LA seemed like a good place to restart my life.”

“You said you _had_ to leave Vegas. Why is that?” Eddie inquired between bites of food.

Buck froze for a moment, and he knew Eddie noticed. The other man was about to retract his question when Buck spoke up, “Let’s just say I needed to put space between myself and someone else and leave it at that.”

Eddie nodded his head, recognizing the finality in Buck’s voice. To lighten the mood, Eddie began to tell a story of a call he had gone on that dad that involved a kitten and a grown man stuck in a pipe. 

When their meals were finished, Buck led them back to Maddie’s house, but before Eddie could go inside to grab Christopher, Buck pulled at his hand to get his attention. “Thank you for sharing part of your story tonight. I had a good time.”

Eddie gave him a warm smile in return, and squeezed Buck’s hand, “So did I.” Before he could really think about it, Eddie leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Buck’s cheek before entering the home to collect his son, leaving Buck standing on the porch to calm his fluttering heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: @kml8990


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

As much as Buck loved being a nurse, there are days when it’s just a bit too much. Too much death. Too much pain. Too many people hurting one another. And those days weigh heavy in his heart. He knows that witnessing other people’s trauma can cause trauma or reinforce past trauma. He’s talked family members of patients through it enough times that he can recite it without thinking. He knows that the heavy feeling he’s experiencing, the feel of an invisible string pulling him down to the point where standing up straight is exhausting, is his own trauma rearing its ugly head, fueled by what he’s seen in the ER that day. 

Jasmine does her best to keep him going throughout the shift. Smiles, jokes, pats on the back to try to ground him into the present and not allow him to get too far into his head. While she doesn’t know his past, she has an uncanny ability to understand what he needs without him saying it, and she doesn’t press. By the time 8:00 rolled around and Buck was handing off his duties to the head nurse of the night shift, he was antsy to get out of the ER, but dreading going home.

He thought about calling Maddie. Seeing if she was up for a Buckley night, but he knew that Chimney had the night off and he didn’t want to intrude. Knowing Eddie’s schedule helped him know when not to bother his sister because her boyfriend was home for the evening. He briefly thought about just driving around a bit, maybe stopping at a diner on the edge of town just to get away from the bright lights of the city. He had just made it to his car when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He unlocked the car door and pulled it open before fishing the device from his pocket.

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_You’re the deciding vote,_

Above the text was a picture of a cozy looking Christopher, hair wet from a shower and already in his pajamas. There is a while smile on the boy’s face as he held up two different DVD’s for Buck to choose from. Buck smiled at the picture as he sat behind the wheel of his car, thumbing at the screen. He and Eddie had built this friendly relationship through text messages over the last month. Neither of them had talked about the cheek kiss outside of Maddie’s house, but they weren’t actively avoiding each other either. He’d grabbed lunch with Eddie a few times over the last month, once with Christopher in tow. They also stayed glued to one another’s sides at the monthly 118 family barbeque that Buck had been welcomed at without a second thought. In some ways, Eddie had become his best friend. Part of his family. As had his son. And while Buck tried so hard to push away any kind of romantic feelings for Eddie, they didn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. When his phone buzzed again with a series of impatient question marks, Buck finally pulled himself together enough to text back.

**To:** Eddie Diaz  
 **From:** Evan Buckley

_If your guys’ day was anything like mine, then definitely Ice Age. Coco is absolutely fabulous. But my vote is for a funny movie._

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_We’re putting it in now. Chris says he’s only waiting 30 minutes before we start it, so you better get here quick._

The insinuation that Buck would be joining them, had the blonde raising his eyebrows and biting at his bottom lip. Spending an evening with the Diaz boys was definitely better than the plan he had scraped together for himself this evening. But he didn’t want to impose. Before he was able to think of a soft way to turn the invitation down, his phone lit up again.

**To:** Evan Buckley  
 **From:** Eddie Diaz

_Laughter is the best medicine after a hard day. Laughter with friends is even better. Don’t even think about skipping out. See you in 30._

A soft smile enveloped Buck’s face as he stored his phone in the cupholder of the jeep, started the ignition and began the drive to the Diaz’s home. Twenty minutes later he was pulling in the drive beside Eddie’s truck. He slipped from the vehicle and made his way up to the door, knocking lightly against the wood. A moment later the door swung open to reveal Eddie with a smiling Christopher perched on his hip. The boy had gotten his cast off a week before, but still had to wear a soft brace on it for a bit, which meant his crutches still weren’t an option.

“Bucky!” Chris exclaimed happily, reaching for the man and Buck’s hands came up to pull the boy from Eddie’s arms and into his own. Christopher locked his arms around Buck’s neck before leaning back slightly to look at him. “We made popcorn!” he said excitedly.

“Popcorn? Of course! You can’t have a movie night without popcorn!”

Chris nodded his head in agreement while Eddie and Buck shared a smile over his shoulder. Eddie stepped back to allow the slightly taller man to enter the home. Buck carried his charge to the living room, dropping Chris down onto the couch with a flourish that made the boy bounce and giggle. “We almost started without you,” Chris revealed, making Buck clutch his chest in mock hurt.

“You said I had 30 minutes before you’d start the movie. I got here in 20,” We protested playfully.

“30 minutes is a long time,” Chris said seriously, which had Buck chuckling at the boy’s cheekiness. 

“I figured you were coming from work,” Eddie said from behind him, making Buck turn. “I left some shorts and a shirt of my bed if you want to change out of your scrubs.”

Buck had to admit, the offer was appealing. Not only because he felt disgusting after his 12 hour shift, but also because the idea of wearing Eddie’s clothes felt like a privilege he wasn’t willing to pass up. Buck nodded his head and smiled in thanks before slipping down the hall to where he assumed Eddie’s room would be. He removed his scrubs and folded them neatly, leaving them on the top of Eddie’s dresser before slipping into the clothes the other man had laid out for him. The shorts fit without incident, though the shirt was a little tight in the shoulders. He didn’t mind though. That combined with the smell of Eddie that lingered on the clothes made Buck feel like he was being wrapped in a hug from the man in the other room.

Buck returned to the living room to find that the couch had been pulled out into a bed, Eddie on one side and Christopher in the middle. There were pillows propping them up, and blankets strewn across their legs. Chris patted the empty spot on his other side when he saw Buck enter the room. Buck slid in to the open space and allowed the boy to pull the blanket over his legs for him as he settled against the pillows. Eddie plopped a giant bowl of popcorn on Chris lap, and used the remote to start the movie. 

Buck felt himself relax against the cushins as the movie played. A little more of the tension in his body leaking out at every giggle that escaped Chris’ lips as he watched the screen. As the movie progressed, Chris listed to the side to rest his head against his father’s chest, and Buck watched fondly as the man pulled his son closer and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. Buck took it upon himself to remove the bowl of popcorn, now mostly empty, from the boys lap and place it on the ground beside the make shift bed. Buck allowed himself to get more comfortable in the still home, sliding further down on the couch. He caught Eddie’s arm movement out of the corner of his eye as the man stretched it across the back of the couch. He didn’t think anything of it until he felt the man’s fingers begin to thread through his own short strands at the back of his head. Buck tensed at first, and though he was sure Eddie felt it, the man didn’t pull away completely, just stopped his movement until Buck relaxed again. The darkness of the room, the quietness of the TV and Eddie’s hand in his hair making his eyelids begin to droop.

By the time the movie was finished, Christopher was snoring softly against his father and Buck was a few moments from passing out himself. Eddie slid himself out from under his son and stood up before bending to scoop the boy into his arms. “You’re welcome to stay, you look beat,” Eddie offered, keeping his voice soft as he shifted Chris against his shoulder.

“No, it’s okay, I can..” a yawn cut his protest off.

“Please stay, Buck,” Eddie asked, “You’re exhausted. I don’t want you on the road like this.”

“Ok. Thank you,” Buck conceded.

“You’re welcome to anything in the kitchen if you’re hungry. Bath room is the first door on the right. Good night Buck.”

“Goodnight Eddie,” Buck replied softly as the man made his way down the hall to put his son to sleep.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

It had been a very long time since Buck woke up in a place that wasn’t his own home, his sister’s couch, or the on call room at the hospital. He was confused as remnant of sleep fogged his brain. He was also slightly panicked about waking up in a place he didn’t recognize. It was the sweet childish giggle from the kitchen, followed by a grown man shushing that made Buck remember where exactly he was. He pushed himself up off the pull out sofa he had slept on, straightening out his, well Eddie’s, clothes and running a hand through his hair as he made his way to the kitchen.

Christopher sat on the counter next to the stove, a safe distance so he wouldn’t get burned, but close enough for Eddie to support and stabilize him as needed. The boy was laughing at his father as the man fussed over something on the stove, and Buck took a moment to just lean against the door frame and admire the duo, content to tease and just be with one another.

“Good morning,” he finally said, making his presence known.

“Buck!” Christopher’s wide smile turned to the man and he held his hands out for him to lift Christopher off of the counter and onto his hip. 

“Good morning Superman. What’s so funny this morning?” 

“Daddy’s trying not to burn the eggs. He’s not very good at cooking,”

“Traitor,” Eddie commented with a smile, making Chris burry his head against Buck’s shoulder as he let out another giggle while Eddie’s eyes stayed focused on the task at hand.

“You glare at those eggs any harder, they’re going to burst in to flames,” Buck commented with a laugh.

Eddie huffed, “If you want breakfast, I’d keep your mouth shut and stop heckling the chef,” 

“Sorry,” Buck laughed, “Chris and I will just set the table then and stay out of the Chef’s way,”

Buck allowed Christopher to tell him where to find the plates and silverware before setting the boy down at the table. He brought the items over and supported Chris in laying them out where they needed to be. When he turned back around, Eddie was right behind him, holding out a mug of hot coffee.

“Thanks,” Buck said softly, allowing the mug to warm his hands as he breathed in the sent. Eddie offered him a small smile before turning back to the food and transferring everything to a serving platter. 

All in all, Eddie had managed to make slightly undercooked scrambled eggs with too crispy bacon, but Buck didn’t complain. He was so touched by Eddie being so sweet to him, both last night and this morning. The meal was filled with chatter from Chris as he talked about his week at school and everything he was looking forward to doing with his Abuela that evening when Eddie dropped him off before his shift. Too soon for Buck’s liking, he had to leave in order to start his shift in the ER. He used Eddie’s room to change into his scrubs from the previous day, grateful that he always kept a spare pair in his locker at the hospital. As he folded the borrowed clothes and placed them on Eddie’s messed up bed, not noticing his wallet still on the dresser as he made his way out to big goodbye and head to work, but not before snagging tight hugs from both Diaz boys.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“You slept over at hot firefighter’s place last night?!” Jasmine all but squealed when Buck came to work looking rumpled and in the same scrubs as yesterday. Buck just shook his head at her as he ducked into the locker room, Jasmine following him in.

“Why do you assume I was at Eddie’s? Maybe I stayed at my sister’s place last night. Or hooked up with someone.”

Jasmine snorted as she leaned against the locker while Buck traded his old scrubs for new ones, “Please. You don’t just hook up. That’s not you. And you’re smiling, like… a lot. So if I had to guess who put that smile on your face between Eddie and Maddie? It definitely wasn’t your sister.”

Buck tried to school his features to bring the giant smile down a bit, but it was no use, “Maybe I just got a good nights sleep,”

“Yeah, next to hot firefighter,” Jasmine said, wagging her eyebrows up and down.

“Fine,” Buck relented, knowing Jasmine wasn’t going to let this go. “I was at Eddie’s last night.,”

“I KNEW IT!”

“But I slept on his _COUCH_ ,” Buck emphasized as he sat on the bench to tie his shoes. 

“Ohh… Didn’t even make it to the bedroom, huh,”

“You’re a real menace, you know that?” Buck asked as he locked his locker up and headed for the nurses station with Jasmine following like an over excited puppy behind him.

“You love me,” Jasmine countered, “So spill,”

“I went over to have movie night with him and Christopher,”

“You did it in the living room with his kid there?”

“No,” Buck groaned and rolled his eyes, “Will you shut up, or I stop talking.” Jasmine made the motion of zipping her lips, “I went over for movie night. I was exhausted. Eddie didn’t want me to drive home while I was so tired so he offered his couch bed. That’s it. That is all that happened. Eddie is just a friend.”

“A friend who makes you blush anytime he is mentioned or he texts.”

“We’re just friends, Jaz. That’s all we’re ever going to be.” He stated firmly before grabbing his clipboard and heading into a treatment room. 

Buck busied himself with work so he could avoid Jasmine and her invasive questions. He knew she meant well, but every time he had to say he and Eddie were just friends, he got a sour taste in his mouth. He was hunched over the computer in front of him, trying to see what the hold up was on getting one of his patient’s labs back, when a shadow loomed over him, making him look up.

Eddie stood at the counter, leaning slightly over it to look at Buck with a bright grin on his face. “Eddie! What are you doing here? Are you okay? Is Christopher okay?” he asked in quick succession, as he stood up to be eye level with the other man.

“Chris is fine,” Eddie reassured him with a soft smile, “He’s at Abuela’s and I’m on my way to work.”

“Okay,” Buck let out a breath, “Good. But then…what are you doing here?”

Eddie’s smile turned into a playful grin as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar object, “Someone left his wallet on my dresser this morning. I wanted to return it before you panicked when you realized you didn’t have it.”

Buck took the wallet, and gave Eddie a grateful smile, “Thank you. I didn’t even realize I had left it.”

“I figured when I didn’t get a call about it,” Eddie shrugged. “I also brought you coffee,” he revealed, tapping the cup on the counter between them that Buck hadn’t even noticed.

“You didn’t have to. But thank you,” Buck hoped the sincerity was clear in his voice. 

“I should get going. Cap will give me the worst chores if I’m late. Have a good day, Buck,” Eddie leaned over the counter and pressed a kiss to Buck’s cheek before the other man even realized he was moving.

It took all the cognitive power Buck had to form a reply of “You too,” before Eddie was slipping out of the door and out of sight. He stood there staring for a moment, his cheek tingling from the scruff of Eddie’s beard and the softness of his lips. He shook his head, and pulled the coffee too him, smiling to himself as he took a sip. He was about to sit back down to get back to what he was doing when he caught sight of Jasmine from the corner of his eye.

“Just friends my ass,” she hissed into his ear as she walked by him, and Buck didn’t even try to reprimand her because he was starting to realize that whatever he and Eddie were….it wasn’t just friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super active on Tumblr, but you can find me @kml8990


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer than normal chapter because it just kinda took off on me.
> 
> TW: rape mentioned at the end of the chapter

**Chapter 8**

“I don’t wish injury on anyone, but I could really use a good trauma right about now,” Jasmine complained from her place on the floor behind the nurses station where she was listlessly bouncing a ball against the adjacent wall.

“Don’t say things like that,” Buck admonished from his place at the counter, standing next to where she sat.

“I’m just so bored,” Jasmine groaned, throwing her head back dramatically.

Buck sighed and hung his own head, “For the first time in 2 weeks I am 100% caught up on all of my paperwork and you’re complaining about it being a slow night. You just jinxed us,” he complained, nudging his friend with the toe of his shoe.

“I didn’t say it was a slow night, you did. I just said I was bored, so if anyone is to blame for a jinx, it’s you.”

“You know you could always go reorganize the supply room,” Buck suggested as he organized the files in front of him.

“I said I wanted a trauma, not more boredom,” Buck nudged her again at that statement. “So what’s new with you and firefighter hottie?”

“His name is Eddie,” Buck sighed in exasperation, “And nothing is going on. We hang out, we’re friends.”

“Uh-huh,” Jasmine nodded sagely, “Friends who eye fuck each other when they think the other person isn’t looking.”

“Jasmine,” Buck hissed, looking around to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation, “First of all, we do not. Second of all why is this any of your business?”

“I’m just saying….In the last two months he has invited you to dinner or over for dinner with his kid multiple times, you’ve had a handful of movie nights, and he’s brought you coffee to the hospital 5 times – not that I’m counting.” Buck snorted, “Someone who invests that much time in someone else isn’t something to let slip through your fingers.”

“I like Eddie,” Buck admitted, looking down at his friend, “I like him a lot. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for a relationship.”

“Did you not hear me?” Jasmine asked, pushing herself to her feet to stand next to Buck, “You’re already in a relationship! Just without the really fun parts.”

Before Buck could respond, his pager started beeping insistently. He looked down and pulled it from where it was clipped on the waist of his scrubs to look at the message, his brow deepening in concern as he read it. “Look alive people!” He called out into the mostly empty ER, gaining the attention of all the nurses and Doctors milling around. “Train derailment. LAFD is on the sight right now and lots of patients coming in. Mass casualty protocol! Let’s get things ready!”

As soon as the words left his mouth, the ER was a flurry of activity as the hospital staff moved to get all available beds, wheelchairs and other equipment ready in anticipation of what was to come. He turned back to Jasmine, “NEVER complain about a slow night,” he scolded before jumping into action himself. 

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Eddie couldn’t say that he was upset about being pulled from the train derailment site to help get victims to LA General. The site had been a mess. Train cars littered all over an empty field. People thrown from the wreckage, bloody, bruised, and in some cases, dead. It hadn’t been a pretty sight to witness. There were so many victims it was overwhelming, and there were still a ton of people trapped inside the mangled train cars. He had been pulling people out of the wreckage for the last two hours without a break. When Captain Nash had radioed that the Battalion Chief had ordered 118 to transport some of the more stable victims to the hospital using their engine, Eddie was more than willing to take a break from the carnage. 

When the 118 fire engine pulled up to LA General’s ER entrance, Eddie realized that the hospital was going to be just as chaotic as the accident scene. He busied himself helping victims down from the engine and into the waiting hands of various Nurses and Orderlies who led them inside the building to be triaged. When the last person was out of the truck, he slammed the door closed and followed the rest of his crew into the hospital. The lobby had turned into a triage zone. Injured people littered all over with colored tags around their necks indicating treatment order and a group of uninjured, worried, family members looking for answers about their loved ones crowded the receptionist’s desk. 

Hen stepped up to the nearest nurse, who Eddie recognized as Jasmine, Buck’s friend, “Do you need any help?” Hen inquired, “We can help with triage and free you guys up for the treatment rooms,” she offered.

“That would be up to my boss,” Jasmine said without missing a beat as she rolled gauze around a seemingly superficial head would. “He’s inside the ER. His name is Buck.”

“Oh we know Buck,” Chimney commented as they all crossed the lobby and entered the chaotic ER.

There were people moving everywhere. Doctor’s moving quickly from room to room, nurses rushing to get supplies or lab orders to the doctors. No one on the team head ever seen an ER this overflowing with patients in need of immediate care. Eddie spotted Buck before anyone else, and nodded towards where the man stood scribbling something on a whiteboard.

“Buck?” The man in question spun around, uncapped marker still in his hand. He looked tired, but determined. His calmness almost eerie in the midst of the craziness around him. “Battalion Chief sent us over to help. Hen, Chim and I are certified paramedics. We can do triage in the lobby to free up your nurses,” he informed him.

Buck took a deep breath and nodded, thinking hard, “Yeah that could work.” He agreed. “Go ahead and relieve Jasmine and the others. Remember red tag is critical, yellow is needs to be seen soon, green is they can wait. Black…well, you know what black means, but hopefully no one is dying in my lobby.”

The firefighters nodded, before turning to return to the lobby and take over, dodging people left and right to get back to the door. Eddie hung back for a moment, locking eyes with Buck, “You good?”

Buck gaze softened and a small smile pulled at his lips, “Yeah.” He said, keeping his voice low, “Lets save some lives.”

Eddie nodded and turned to follow his team to the lobby. When the lobby doors opened, however, he was greeted with screaming and arguing, people’s emotions running thin and making them mean. Captain Nash was trying to calm a few unhurt people down, to get them to stop yelling at the poor receptionist, but it didn’t seem to be working. It was like the anger was contagious and spreading amongst the people crammed together in the library. It was escalating quickly and Eddie was worried that someone was going to start throwing punches soon. Eddie was about to reach for his radio and ask dispatch to send LAPD to support, when he felt someone push by him and Jump onto the reception counter. When he looked up, he realized that it was Buck who now stood on the counter, cupping his hands around his mouth to project his voice above the crowd,

“ENOUGH!” The yell was loud enough to carry over the many angry voices. It made Eddie wince thinking about how rough the shout must have been on Buck’s throat. Slowly, the crowd quieted down and turned their attention to the blonde nurse standing above them on the receptionist’s desk. “I know that you’re scared,” Buck began, lowing his voice so he was no longer yelling in the now quiet lobby. “Some of you are scared and worried, some of you are scared and hurt. Either way we are all scared. I understand. But yelling and getting angry at one another isn’t going to help solve anything. When we feel big emotions, we don’t always think clearly, so take a few deep breaths and calm down!” He ordered.

“These three firefighters are going to triage anyone who is hurt. I know you may be uncomfortable and in pain, but I ask that you wait for your turn and we will get to you as soon as we can. We are treating the life threatening injuries first. For anyone who is here to see if their loved ones are okay, I ask for your patience and understanding. Victims of the train crash were sent to three different ER’s and we’re still trying to identify many patients. Please give your name and the name of the person you are looking for to the receptionist or this nice fire captain here. They will collect that information and check our system to see if your loved one is here. If you cannot be patient and kind, I will have security remove you from the building, is that clear?” Buck paused and looked around the lobby as many people quietly nodded their assent. “I understand it has been a hell of an evening for all of you and it’s a fucked up situation, but let us do our jobs.” With that, Buck jumped down from the desk, stopping to hand clip boards to the receptionist and Captain Nash before heading back to the ER doors. Eddie followed and grabbed the other man’s wrist, pulling him to a stop.

That was really hot. That was what Eddie wanted to say to the other man. Instead, he said, “That was really awesome.”

Buck gave him a shy smile, “Just doing my job,” he replied before sliding out of Eddie’s grip to get back to work.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~  
Buck was officially on hour 15 of a 12 hour shift and he was exhausted. The final victims of the train derailment were all in treatment rooms. The lobby was cleared and the ER was closed to incoming traumas for the next hour to allow time for hospital staff to clean up, restock and put themselves back together. He leaned against the counter, palms flat against the work station and head hanging down, taking a moment to just breathe. 

He had seen a lot today. A lot of heartbreak, a lot of death, a lot of love, a lot of gratefulness and it made his head spin. He unwrapped his stethoscope from around his neck and tossed it onto the counter before standing up straight.

“I’m taking ten,” Buck told Jasmine, not waiting to see her nod of acknowledgement before disappearing into the empty staff lounge. 

The thing about being head nurse, was that it all fell on him. A family’s grief of a lost loved one, a family’s frustration over not knowing what is going on, a patient’s frustration over having to wait in pain for hours, the nurses and doctor’s frustration over slow lab work or x-rays. It all fell on him. He was the boss. And he had handled it. Every tear, every angry rant, every complaint…he had handled it. And now in the quiet after the chaos, it was hitting him like a ton of bricks and he was trying hard to hold himself together. He heard the door open behind him, and tried to reign everything in before whoever it was who just entered could see.

“Buck?” It was almost embarrassing how fast Buck turned around at Eddie’s voice. The man stood in the doorway, not sure if he would be welcomed to come in or not. He was still in his turn out pants, suspenders now hanging instead of over his shoulders, sweat stains visible on his LAFD t-shirt, but the mere sight of the man had some of the tension leaking from Buck’s shoulders. “Are you alright?”

Buck nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor as Eddie stepped farther into the room, “Yeah…it was just…a lot.”

“It was,” Eddie agreed, stepping up to the blonde man and stopping when he was directly in front of him, “But you handled is magnificently,” Buck snorting at the compliment, “I’m serious,” Eddie insisted, placing a warm, calloused hand on Buck’s forearm, making the blue-eyed man look up. “You were amazing out there today. You are the reason everything went so smoothly and people got the help they needed.”

“No. Everyone did that. We all worked together to make it happen,” Buck countered, making Eddie slide his hand up to Buck’s shoulder, thumb pressing against the other man’s pulse point.

“Everyone did a great job working together to get things done,” Eddie agreed, “But it was under your leadership that it happened. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Looking into Eddie’s chocolate brown eyes, seeing the sincerity and pride in them, had Buck sagging forward to rest his head against the brunette man’s collar bone. Eddie’s hand came up to cup the back of Buck’s neck, “I’m so tired, Eddie,” Buck admitted, his voice cracking as he fought back tears of emotional and physical exhaustion.

“I know,” Eddie whispered, squeezing Buck’s neck and pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. 

Maybe it was the exhaustion. Maybe it was all the conflicting emotions inside of him. Maybe it was just the man himself that had Buck pulling back, locking eyes with Eddie before closing the small gap between their faces and connecting their lips. Buck hadn’t kissed anyone in over 3 years. He hadn’t _willingly_ kissed anyone in nearly 5, and Buck thought he should feel more nervous than he was, but he wasn’t feeling anything but contentment as Eddie’s hands came up to frame his face as he kissed him back.

When Buck pulled back from the kiss, he let out a nervous laugh and refused to look at the man before him. Instead, he chose to stare at where his hands were now clasped in front of him, hands that were currently shaking and he wasn’t sure if it was from the adrenaline crash of the train derailment or a result of kissing the man he had been thinking about for months.

Eddie placed his hand over Buck’s clasped ones, drawing Buck’s blue eyes up to look at him, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while,” Eddie admitted shyly and Buck’s cheeks flushed red as he nodded,

“Me too,” he revealed softly.

“Hey…” Eddie hesitated, but at Buck’s questioning head tilt, he continued on, “I’m sure you’re off shift soon. I am as soon as I make it to the station and change. Why don’t you come over when you’re done?” he asked, immediately adding more at Buck’s wide-eyed expression, “Not for anything….just to sleep. Chris is with my Abuela for the night, and I don’t know about you, but after this hellish evening, I don’t really want to be alone. And I’m thinking you don’t either.”

Buck bit at his bottom lip in hesitation, he hadn’t planned on kissing Eddie tonight….or ever really. But now he had, and now the man wanted him to stay over. It was all so sudden. So soon. But, If Buck was honest with himself, he didn’t want to be alone either, and the one person, other than his sister, that he trusted most was Eddie, though if he ever admitted that to Jasmine, she would probably murder him for placing Eddie ahead of her. Finally, he nodded and a relieved smile stretched across Eddie’s face.

“Great. I uh…I should get back, but I’ll see you soon?” the firefighter asked nervously, squeezing Buck’s hands gently. Buck nodded again, and Eddie leaned in to peck his lips lightly before pulling back and exiting the lounge, Buck watching him go.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Complete and utter panic prevented Buck from exiting his car over an hour later. He had driven over to Eddie’s like the two had talked about at the hospital, but he had spent the last 10 minutes parked in the driveway beside Eddie’s truck, staring at the house in front of him. The porch light was on, as well as the lights inside making the home look and feel inviting. Buck had been in that home plenty of times, so many days off spent lounging with the two Diaz boys. He had even spent the night in the home once before, so for the life of him he didn’t understand what was keeping him from walking up to the front door and knocking.

That was a lie. He did know. He had kissed Eddie, on the lips, a mere hour ago. He had kissed the man who had quickly become his best friend, and while he knew Eddie was nothing like Paul, his knee jerk response was to run. Being close to a man had brought him nothing but pain in the past. He didn’t regret the kiss though. It had been the bet kiss of his life, even if it was short and rushed in the aftermath of a chaotic day.

He briefly thought about calling Dr. Oliver, the psychiatrist who worked in the ER and had seen right through Buck’s carefully secured mask the first day he reported to work at LA General, but he didn’t. He already knew what the man would say. His past, his trauma, will always take up space in his life. How much space he allowed it to take up was his choice. He had decided a few years ago that what he had gone through wasn’t going to define him, and that meant beginning to open his heart to others. That meant going up to Eddie’s front door and knocking instead of putting the car in reverse and driving away.

With a deep breath, Buck finally pulled the handle on the door and shouldered it open, grabbing his phone from the center console of the jeep before sliding out and letting the door swing shut. He pressed the button on his key fob to lock the car as he walked up to the door. He knocked softly before stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring at the ground. It didn’t take long for the door to open,

‘Hey,” Eddie greeted making Buck look up and take notice of his soft smile and furrowed brow, “You good?” the man inquired and that was when Buck realized that Eddie had been aware of his presence in his driveway the last ten minutes and had simply let Buck work through it himself without pushing or even texting.

Buck’s chest filled with warmth at the knowledge, “Yeah,” he breathed, offering a small smile of his own.

Eddie stepped back and allowed the slightly taller man into his home before closing and locking the door behind him. The home was quiet and warm, just as welcoming as he has always experienced despite the missing presence of one ray of sunshine that was an 8 year old boy. Eddie placed a gentle hand on Buck’s bicep, squeezing gently as he came to stand beside him.

“I don’t know about you, but if I sit down to watch TV, I’ll be passed out within in minutes,” Eddie said with a laugh, “I have a TV in my room. I was thinking….we could lay down and watch something, that way if we pass out we’re already in bed,” he said uncertainly, “But, if you would feel more comfortable, I could set up the couch for you like last time.

Eddie was giving him an out. Was offering him space and letting Buck decide his own comfort level, and that knowledge alone was what made Buck answer without hesitation, “Bed sounds nice,”

Eddie’s smile was bright as he placed a hand low on Buck’s back and led the man towards his bedroom, turning the living room light off along the way. The clothes Buck had borrowed the last time he had slept at Eddie’s, along with a new toothbrush, rested on the edge of the sink in the in suite bathroom. Eddie gently pressed a kiss to the other man’s temple before pushing him toward the open bathroom door.

After changing, using the facilities, and brushing his teeth, Buck exited the bathroom to find Eddie laying in bed, covers pooled around his waist and remote in hand as he scrolled through the apps on his smart TV. Buck second guessed himself for only a moment before padding over to the empty side of the bed and sliding in next to the firefighter. Eddie clicked on the remote, the next episode of Parks and Rec cued to begin playing before setting the sleep timer on the TV and setting the remote aside. 

Buck was rigid on his side of the bed, his heart hammering and his hands shaking. The last time he shared a bed with another man he had been raped. It had taken Buck years to admit that was what had happened to him. That what Paul had done was rape him for over a year. He was having a hard time reconciling that the man lying next to him was not the same man who hurt him. Eddie switched off the bed side lamp, plunging the room into darkness, the TV giving off just enough light that Buck could see some of Eddie’s features in the glow. 

The firefighter slid further down in the bed until his head was resting comfortably on his pillow. He didn’t try to pull Buck close to him, or even looked at the other man, simply laying there and watching the TV. 

After a few quiet moments between them, Eddie flopped one of his hands down to rest between their bodies, palm up. After another moment, Buck placed his own palm on top of Eddie’s and allowed the other man to tangle their fingers together. When Eddie gave his hand a gentle squeeze, Buck felt his heart begin to slow and some of the tension leave his muscles, allowing him to sink against the mattress. He closed his eyes, leaving his hand still tangled with Eddie’s as he slowly drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my day.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @kml8990


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Buck surprised himself with just how calm he was waking up in Eddie’s bed, the other man still fast asleep beside him. They had moved in their sleep so they were both facing each other, their still clasped hands resting between them like they hadn’t let go of one another throughout the night. The sun was shining through the curtains behind Eddie, giving a glow to the slumbering man and Buck allowed himself to just look.

Eddie was attractive. That much Buck had noticed the first time he laid eyes on him at Maddie and Chim’s housewarming party. The man’s caramel skin and chiseled jaw may have caught his attention, but it was his gentleness and attentiveness that made Buck start to let down his guard, and so far the other man hadn’t taken advantage.

Eddie grunted in his sleep before his eyes fluttered open. A smile stretched across his face when he noticed Buck staring at him from the other side of the bed, “Good morning,” he mumbled, his eyes falling closed again but the smile never faltering.

“Morning,” Buck whispered, his hand involuntarily squeezing Eddie’s from where they were still intertwined. 

They laid there for a moment, just breathing together before Eddie forced his eyes open again, “I’m glad you stayed,” he said softly, his brown eyes locking with Buck’s blue.

At first, Buck thought Eddie was talking about him coming over after his shift last night, but after looking closely at his eyes, he realized that Eddie was actually thanking him for not bolting in the middle of the night. It still took his breath away with how easily the other man seemed to be able to read him sometimes. 

“Thank you for letting me stay,”

“You’re always welcome here Buck. No matter what.” Eddie twisted in bed to tap on his phone on the nightstand before turning back to his original position, “It’s late,” he reported.

“How late?”

“Nearly noon,” he revealed, and it really wasn’t that surprising considering Buck had arrived at the house just after 1 AM and the two had both had exhausting shifts the day before. “Do you work today?”

Buck shook his head against the pillow, “No. I’m not back on until tomorrow afternoon. You?”

“No. Off today and tomorrow,” he reported with a happy smile, a breath of relief escaping him at the thought of two whole days off. Before Buck could respond, his stomach made a loud growling sound, forcing a blush onto his face and making Eddie laugh, “If Chris is a reliable source, I’m a pretty terrible cook,” he admitted, squeezing Buck’s hand since they hadn’t bothered with pulling them apart, “But I’ll go see if there is something I can make for us without burning down the house.”

“I can help,” the blonde offered as Eddie pushed himself upright to lean on his elbow.

“You don’t have to,” Eddie reassured, “But I never turn down help in the kitchen. First…”

Eddie leaned in toward Buck, slowly enough that the nurse could’ve pulled away or pushed him away if he really wanted to, but Buck found that he had no desire to. A moment later, Eddie’s slightly chapped lips pressed against Buck’s in a gentle but caring kiss. Buck let go of Eddie’s hand to thread his fingers into the short hairs on the back of the man’s head, deepening the kiss slightly by sliding his tongue across the seam of the brunette man’s lips until they parted.

Buck’s heart was racing, but not in a bad way. Eddie’s scent surrounded him, keeping him grounded and in the moment as the sweetest and gentlest man he had ever met kissed him thoroughly. Eddie was the one who pulled away first, both of their chests heaving slightly from the kiss, “Good morning Buck,”

Buck let out a god-damned giggle, burying his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck, “Good morning Eddie,” he replied, pressing a kiss to the side of the man’s neck as his stomach grumbled again.

Eddie chuckled, before pressing a kiss to Buck’s forehead and rolling out of the bed, making Buck flop face first onto the mattress while Eddie straightened his clothes and headed out of the room to find something for them to eat. 

Buck stayed in bed a few moments longer, cuddling Eddie’s pillow and trying to hide the gigantic smile on his face. He felt liked he did when he as 12 years old and Bryan Letham, an eighth grader who was his first crush, said hi to him at lunch. He was giddy as he listened to Eddie move around in the kitchen. And he allowed himself a few more minutes to bask in his happiness before he reluctantly left the warmth of the bed and made his way out to the kitchen to find Eddie at the stove, what looked to be scrambled eggs in the pan in front of him.

Eddie shot Buck a grin over his shoulder when he heard the other man enter the room. Buck’s shirt was wrinkled from sleep, and he had a pillow crease on his cheek, but he was absolutely beautiful to Eddie, considering he had been working up the nerve to tell Buck how he felt for weeks now. “There’s coffee ready in the pot,” he said softly, turning back to the eggs in an effort not to ruin them.

“Thanks,” Buck murmured, dragging his hand across the small of Eddie’s back as he stepped around him to fill the empty mug the man had left out for him. “Do you need any help?” He asked as he sipped the warm drink.

“I don’t think so,” Eddie replied with a smile, “Contrary to Chris’ criticism, I can handled some eggs and toast. I’m sorry I don’t have anything fancier. Going to the grocery store was on the to do list today”

“I can leave after breakfast, get out of your hair,” Buck said nervously, not wanting to overstep his welcome in the home.

Eddie was quick to turn to him, hand reaching out to grab the one of Buck’s not holding the coffee mug, “No!” he said urgently, letting out a small chuckle at his loudness, “I meant what I said earlier. You’re always welcome here. I want you here.” He squeezed Buck’s hand before turning the heat off on the stove and transferring the eggs to the two plates had waiting nearby with toast already on them. “But, if you want to leave I won’t stop you,” Eddie was quick to reassure, locking eyes with Buck as he passed him one of the plates. “Chris is getting dropped off in an hour.”

The sincerity in Eddie’s eyes had Buck smiling as he took his plate to the kitchen table and sat down, Eddie following him, “Leave now and miss out on seeing my favorite Diaz? Not a chance,”

Eddie barked out a laugh as he settled into his seat, “I’m always second in line to my kid,”

“Do you blame me?”

“Not in the slightest,” the pair shared a smile before digging into their food. 

They chatted softly as they ate. Talking about the craziness of the evening before as well as Eddie’s plans for the next day since he lucked out with two days off in a row. They didn’t breech the subject of what was going on between them, and Buck actually found that to be somewhat comforting. He knew they would have to discuss it eventually, but having the time to just enjoy this new found closeness between them was nice as well. As they cleaned up from breakfast Eddie got a phone call from his Aunt, saying they were in his drive way and Eddie stepped outside to greet his family and help his son while Buck finished the dishes.

“Bucky!” came Chris’s cheerful call a few minutes later as Eddie carried him inside. Buck quickly dried his hands before reaching out to take the boy from Eddie’s arms.

“Hey Superman!” he greeted warmly, hugging the boy and ruffling his hair. “Did you have fun with your Aunt and Abuela?”

“Yeah,” Chris nodded, “We made cookies! And we ate them all!”

Eddie feigned hurt as he watch the pair with a smile, “You didn’t even bring your old man one?”

Chris shook his head as he grinned over at his father, “No. Abuela said you eat enough junk food since you can’t cook.”

Buck couldn’t help the loud laughter that escaped him at the boy’s statement, earning a glare of the other man. “Your Abuela thinks she’s funny, but she’s not,” Eddie grumbled. “We have to go to the store and get food Mijo,” Eddie told his son, “So think about what you might want for dinner while I go get dressed.”

“Did you and Buck have a sleep over?” Chris asked innocently, noticing the neither his father or Buck were dressed to leave the home, making a small blush erupt on Buck’s cheeks as he glanced at Eddie.

Eddie chuckled, “Yeah something like that,”

“Is Buck coming too?” Chris asked, looking at the man in question.

“If he wants to. He may have other things he needs to do today,” Eddie told his son, clearly giving Buck an out.

“There’s no place I’d rather be,” Buck said softly when Chris looked at him in silent question, making the kid throw his head back with a giggle.

They set Chris up on the couch with a show playing on the TV while both man went to change. Buck borrowed another pair of athletic shorts and a t-shirt from Eddie since he didn’t have anything but his scrubs there, before ducking in to the bathroom to change, leaving the other man to change in his room. It didn’t take long before they were both presentable enough to make a run to the grocery store.

Buck pushed the cart up and down the isles behind Eddie as the man perused the shelves for the items needed to make it through the week. Chris was sat in the middle of the cart basket, laughing hysterically every time Eddie pretended to forget he was in there as he tossed a new item into the basket. It was all so domestic, and Buck never thought he could have something like this. Something that felt so easy.

He should’ve known that nothing was ever that easy.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Later that night found Buck alone in the kitchen, cleaning up the remnants of his evening with the Diaz boys while Eddie got Christopher settled in bed. The evening had been relaxing and fun. From helping Christopher build a dragon out of legos, to cooking homemade mac and cheese for his two favorite people, which Eddie and Chris both raved about. After dinner they had settled on the couch together, Chis in between them, using Buck’s lap as a pillow and throwing his legs across Eddie’s lap. Upon hearing that Buck had never seen any of the Marvel movies, it had been decided that they needed to remedy that right away, though Chris was asleep before the movie was over. It had been the best evening Buck had had in a very long time.

He heard soft footsteps behind him as he finished loading the dishwasher, closing the appliance’s door before turning around and leaning against the kitchen counter to smile at Eddie who was leant against the doorframe watching him. 

“What?” Buck chuckled nervously, his right hand coming up to rub behind his neck,

Eddie shoot his head, “Nothing. It’s just…today was wonderful,”

“It was,” Buck agreed as Eddie pushed off the wall and closed the distance between them. “Thank you for letting me stay and spend the day with you,”

“You could stay tonight as well,” Eddie offered, his hands coming up to gently rest on Buck’s hips.

“You’re not sick of me yet?” Buck asked, and though he made sure to phrase it as a teasing statement, Eddie saw right through him.

“Never,” he said softly before closing the small gap between them and pressing their lips together.

Buck closed his eyes while they kissed, allowing Eddie to deepen it this time, their lips moving against one another, their tongues battling for dominance. Buck was enjoying the kiss very much but when Eddie moved his hands underneath his shirt, it was like something inside him was triggered. Suddenly he was no longer in Eddie’s warm house, pressed up against the counter top he had just wiped own, but pinned against the wall of Paul’s apartment as the man violently ripped at his clothes despite Buck’s protests. 

In the very back of his brain, he knew that he wasn’t with Paul. That he was safe. That this was Eddie and Eddie would never hurt him. But the majority of his mind was locked in a flashback that he never wanted to relive. His hands gripped the edge of the counter behind him, and his breath came in heaving gasps as Eddie’s lips and tongue pressed against his neck. He wanted to push him off. To say something, but it was like his was frozen. A small whimper escaped Buck as Eddie pressed a kiss against his pulse point. 

The firefighter instantly pulled away at the sound that was clearly not one of pleasure. He removed his hands from underneath Buck’s shirt as he took in the man before him. Buck was shaking, and not in a good way. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut as tears leaked from them and his breathing was labored. “Buck? Buck, what’s wrong?” Eddie asked worriedly, reaching a hand up to cup Buck’s cheek but pulling it back immediately when the other man flinched at the touch. “Buck, I need you to take a deep breath, you’re breathing too fast.” He instructed, taking a step back from Buck to offer him space.

With hands no longer on his body, Buck’s mind relinquished its hold on the flashback. He kept his eyes closed as he walked through some of the exercises that Dr. Oliver had taught him. He focused on what he could smell, (mac and cheese, Eddie’s after shave, the lemon soap by the sink), what he could hear, (the dish washer running, Eddie’s voice asking him to take some deep breaths, the refrigerator humming softly). He listened to Eddie’s voice as the man walked him through deep breaths, 7 seconds in, 7 seconds out, until his breathing was under control. When he finally opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Eddie’s concerned face, the man standing a good foot away from him in an offer of space.

“Are you with me, Buck?” Eddie asked softly, and Buck felt his cheeks burn with humiliation as tears continued to fall from his eyes. How was he going to explain what happened? This was why he hadn’t wanted to get involved with Eddie in the first place, but he had still let the man worm his way into his heart.

“Sorry, sorry,” Buck sniffed, rubbing harshly at his eyes before pushing himself off the counter and walking out of the room. 

“Are you okay?” Eddie asked, following Buck into the living room, “Where are you going?” he asked when he noticed Buck slipping on his shoes at the door.

“Sorry. I gotta…I need to go,” Buck refused to look at the other man as he grabbed his wallet and keys from the table next to the door.

“I’m not sure you should be driving,” Eddie argued. “How about we sit and just calm down a bit?”

“I can’t. I gotta go,” Was all Buck choked out before he all but ran out the door and to his jeep. He was pulling out of the driveway before Eddie made it to the front door.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“You know,” Buck looked up from the mountain of paperwork in front of him, when he heard his sister’s voice. Maddie was standing on the other side of the nurses station, a deep frown on her face as she took in her baby brother’s appearance. “When I realized you were interested in Eddie, I prepared this whole _’Don’t hurt my brother’,_ speech to give him. It never really crossed my mind that I would have to give it to you instead.”

“What are you doing here Mads?” Buck asked, clearly ignoring everything that had just come out of his sister’s mouth.

“Looking for you. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“No I haven’t. Work’s just been crazy,” he protested, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at his sister. 

“You have missed our last two coffee dates, and you’ve been answering my texts with 5 words or less. Something is going on and it’s not work.” Maddie argued, “So you and I are going to grab lunch at the diner across the street and talk.”

“I’m working, Maddie,” Buck protested, leaning back over his paperwork.

“I know on good authority that you’re not actually on shift today, you’re just here because you don’t want to be at home by yourself,” Maddie said airily, making Buck look across the hospital at where Jasmine was pretending to work, shooting a glare at his traitorous best friend. “C’mon. You’re done avoiding me.” Maddie nodded towards the door, and Buck reluctantly stood and followed her out.

The diner was pretty empty, so they were quickly seated. They stayed quiet as they looked over the menu and placed their orders. When the waitress left after dropping off their drink, Maddie finally leaned on the table and gave her brother a serious once over. 

“You want to tell me what’s going on? Or should I guess?” 

Buck shrugged, refusing to meet his sister’s gaze, “Nothing’s going on. I’ve just been busy.”

Maddie sat back against the booth and took a sip of her iced tea, “Okay,” She said as she set the glass back down, “Let me tell you what I know. I know that according to Chim, Eddie’s been acting like a kicked puppy for the last two weeks. He’s been checking his phone a lot, moping around, and trying to subtly ask my boyfriend if you’re okay.” Buck tried his best not to react to what his sister was saying, but a guilty blush started to rise to his cheeks. “I also know that you and Eddie had been spending some more time together recently. And that you were happy when I spoke to you. I also know that it was about the time that Eddie’s mood changed that yours did as well. You stopped answering my texts and avoiding me all together. So…did something happen between you and Eddie?”

Maddie should have been a detective instead of a 9-1-1 dispatcher, Buck decided, as he listened to his sister put the clues together. There was no point in denying it now that Maddie had clearly laid it all out on the table, so Buck simply nodded, spinning his glass of coke between his fingers. 

“I’d ask if Eddie did something, but if he had, I don’t think you’d look quite so guilty. So what happened?”

“We kissed,” Buck revealed after a few moments of silence.

“That’s a good thing!” Maddie said happily, “So why do you both seem to have your own private rain clouds hanging over your heads?”

“It was good,” Buck agreed, finally looking at his sister. “It was great, actually.” He mumbled, “He’s so gentle, and patient. He’s a good man.”

“But…”

Buck sighed, “It was late. He had just put Chris to bed and I was cleaning the kitchen,” he explained, wanted to get the story out quickly, “Then we started….we were kissing and everything was great, but then his hand was under my shirt and I just…I panicked,” he revealed, tears pricking at his eyes as he explained everything to his sister. “I knew I was with him. That he wasn’t Paul, but all I could think about was Paul and Paul’s hands being on me instead of Eddie’s. I couldn’t breathe. I was crying. Eddie was trying to calm me down. He backed off really quick and he kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn’t tell him. So I just… I left.”

“Oh, Evan,” Maddie cooed, her eyes filled with sadness and empathy for her little brother, “Its normal to have flashbacks some times. You went through a lot. It’s not just going to go away.”

“I wish it would,” Buck sniffled, “Because I was starting to feel happy again. Eddie was making me happy.”

“He still could,”

“I just left him Maddie. I couldn’t explain why I was upset. I didn’t want him to know, so I just left him. And I’ve ignored all of his texts and calls. He probably wants nothing to do with me.”

“I don’t think so,” Maddie tried to soothe. “From what Chim’s said, he’s pretty miserable too.”

Buck wiped roughly at the tears escaping his eyes, “Doesn’t matter. If he knew…he wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Maddie said softly as he placed her hand on top of her brother’s. “I think you’re scared of letting him in, and I don’t blame you. But Eddie is a good man, and he obviously cares for you. I think you’re not giving him enough credit.” She said, softly and pulled her hand away when the waitress came to deposit their meals on the table.

Once she had left, Maddie turned to her brother again, “I’m going to say one more thing and then the conversation will be dropped for now and we can have a nice meal together, okay?” At Buck’s nod, she continued, “You have every right to be untrusting of men and relationships. But, you’ve been scared before and you never let it stop you. Now you are head nurse of the ER. Just…don’t let your fear keep you from moving forward. Because I’d hate for you to miss a chance at something great with Eddie. Don’t let Paul continue to have that power over your life.”

With that, Maddie dropped the conversation in order to eat her lunch, Buck staying quiet but following suit. He wasn’t even tasting his meal, instead he was mulling over his sister’s words. She was right. He could see the potential of something great when it came to Eddie, and he had to make a choice. Take a leap of faith and hope Eddie would still be there, or decide not to take a chance and go back to his life as it as before he had met the brown eyed firefighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make my day!
> 
> Find me on tumblr @kml8990


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get a new chapter out. This past week has been a little crazy. But I hope you enjoy.

**CHAPTER 10:**

“I know you’ve said you don’t want to talk about whatever’s been bothering you the last few weeks, but you’ve gotta figure it out because you’re making everyone miserable,” Jasmine said softly as she leaned into Buck’s personal space behind the nurses station.

“Nothing’s bothering me,”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Jasmine rolled her eyes, “But I am a good detective,” she said smugly, “I know this is about hot firefighter.”

Now it was Buck’s turn to roll his eyes, “His name is Eddie, and I’m fine. Nothing to do with him.”

“I beg to differ,” Jasmine protested, following behind Buck as he moved to the other side of the desk, “About the time you got mopey, your phone stopped blowing up. No fun jokes from a certain someone’s kid, no requests for coffee or hang outs. So mopeyness plus no more texts that make you smile equals problems in paradise with hot firefighter.”

Buck sighed and let his head hang, “I’m an idiot.”

“I’ve known that for a while now, you gotta give me more,”

Buck snorted at Jasmine’s comment before standing up fully and turning to he could lean against the counter, “We kissed,” Jasmine let out an ear piercing squeal that had Buck rolling his eyes, “But then I freaked out and left his house and haven’t texted him since.”

“Go you ghosted him? Was the kiss that bad?”

“The kiss was great,” Buck blushed, “Best I ever had. And I didn’t ghost him, I just stopped responding.”

“That’s the definition of ghosting,” Jasmine replied. “Why did you freak out?”

“I don’t know,” Buck shrugged, “Bad memories of a past relationship took over the moment. It had nothing to do with him.”

“Then you should tell him that. He probably thinks he did something wrong.”

“Hey boss!” Buck looked up to see another one of his nurses calling to him, “You may want to see this,”

Buck frowned and pushed himself off the counter to walk to the other end of the nurses station where a small crowd was gathering to watch the muted TV that was mounted on the wall. A breaking news story was projected across the screen and Buck reached for the remote to unmute the television.

“Shit,” Jasmine hissed from beside him as they listened to a news reporter explain the giant factory fire that was being displayed from a helicopter’s satellite video. The fire was raging and multiple fire crews were arriving as the reporter stated that it was a four alarm fire, one of the largest fires LA has seen in a while.

Buck stayed silent as he watched the screen. With a fire this big there was bound to be some casualties. As the camera panned, he caught a glimpse of fire truck 118 arriving to the sight, suited up firefighters hitting the ground running to begin tackling the beast in front of them. His stomach knotted up. Since he hadn’t spoken to Eddie in weeks, he didn’t know the man’s work schedule. He didn’t know if he was watching the man he had started to care immensely for run into an inferno or not. Buck pulled his eyes from the screen. He had to focus on the here and now and not worry about the what ifs, especially since Eddie wasn’t his to worry about.

“Okay everybody,” Buck spoke tersely, gaining the attention of the nurses around him, “East Mercy is closer to the fire than we are, meaning they’ll probably get hit with the most critical. We still need to be ready to take any overflow though, so make sure all rooms are equipped with burn and intubation trays, as well as plenty of general first aid supplies.”

At Buck’s order, his staff scuttled away to do as he ask while he took a moment to re-mute the TV and take a breath, “He’ll be okay,” Jasmine whispered from beside him, her hand pressing against his lower back.

“I hope so,” was all Buck could reply before he went to help get the treatment rooms ready.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

When Buck’s phone rang hours later, he almost didn’t pick up. He was exhausted. They had been hit with a wave of minor injuries from the factory fire, and while none of them were life threatening, they still kept them busy. He was chugging some water to try to alleviate the headache behind his eyes and he was inclined to ignore the buzzing phone in his pocket, but at the last second thought better of it. At seeing Maddie’s contact on the device, Buck’s throat felt tight. His sister knew he was working today. She wouldn’t call unless it was important.

“Hey Mads,” he said softly into the phone once he answered.

“Evan, have you seen the news?” Maddie asked in way of greeting.

“Not for a few hours, we got pretty slammed. Why? What happened?”

“You know about the factory fire?”

Buck nodded before remembering Maddie couldn’t see him, “Yeah,” he choked out, legs feeling week as he sat in a nearby chair.

“Chim and the crew were there,” Maddie revealed, her voice soft, “I just got off the phone with him,”

“Eddie?” Buck managed to ask, ignoring the break in his voice as he waited impatiently for his sister’s response.

“He’s okay,” Maddie reassured, and Buck slumped back in his chair, keeping his phone pressed to his ear as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling, “They did get trapped in the factory for little while though. Eddie got banged up a little by falling debris, but Chim says he’s fine. That they’re all fine.”

“That’s good,” Buck swallowed harshly, “Thanks for letting me know Mads.”

“That heart in your throat, I don’t know what I am going to do without him feeling? I know you’re feeling it right now,” Maddie said softly into the phone, “I feel it every time Chim has a close call. I’m feeling it now. It doesn’t go away, but soon you’ll realize that they are all excellent at their jobs and their main goal every shift is to come back home afterwards.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Buck asked, wiping at his leaking eyes, “Eddie’s not my boyfriend.”

“He could be. If you just let him. You could’ve lost him today, Evan. So ask yourself this…would you have regretting pushing him away if today had gone differently?” The siblings sat in silence on the phone for a moment before Maddie spoke again, “They should be on their way back to the station now, so I’m going to go and get some things ready for Chim when he gets home. Just think about what I said. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mads,” Buck replied before hanging up the phone.

He stayed where he sat, his legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles with his head tipped back to look at the ceiling. He knew Maddie was right. If something had happened to Eddie at the fire, there would have been so much regret. Regret for not allowing Eddie into his heart. Regret for allowing his past to control his present. Regret that he never told Eddie how amazing Buck thought he was. But thankfully, the worst hadn’t happened. Eddie was alive. From what Maddie said, he was probably a little sore, but very alive. No regrets were warranted but yet, he still felt unsettled.

“I can see the smoke coming from your head you’re thinking so hard. Try not to fry the few brain cells you do have, please,” Jasmine teased as she walked around him to put her clipboard away.

Before he could second guess himself, Buck pushed himself to his feet in a quick but fluid movement. He unclipped his head nurse pager from his scrubs and handed it to Jasmine who stared at him with a raised eyebrow in confusion, “Can you cover the rest of the shift for me?”

“Yeah, of course. But why?” Jasmine asked as she took the pager from Buck and clipped it to herself.

“There’s someone I need to go see,” Buck said as he rounded the nurses station to head for the lobby.

“Tell hot firefighter I’m glad he’s okay! And use protection!” Jasmine called after him and Buck was too focused on the task at hand to even blush.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Buck had been so sure of himself and his plan when he had left the hospital, but as he entered the garage of fire station 118, he wasn’t so confident any more. Firefighters he didn’t recognize littered the station, what Buck assumed, was the next shift getting ready to take over, and they had him wondering if he had missed out on catching Eddie. Meeting him at the fire station seemed less invasive than just showing up randomly at the man’s house. He was about to head back out to his car in defeat when a voice called out to him,

“Buck?” The nurse turned to find Chim and his partner, Hen, coming out of a room on the first floor, dressed in civilian clothes and bags slung over their shoulders.

“Hey Chim,” Buck greeted nervously, shoving one hand in his pocket and the other coming up to rub at the back of his neck, “Maddie told me about the factory. Sounded rough. I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks,” Chim replied, “But what are you doing here?”

“Uh…Eddie? Is Eddie still here?” he asked, watching as a wave of understanding flooded Chim’s face.

“Yeah. He’s finishing up in the locker room. It’s the first door on the right. He’s the only one in there.”

“Thanks man,” Buck replied gratefully as he walked around the other firefighters and to the door Chim had indicated. 

Buck stood in the doorway as he watched Eddie secure his watch to his wrist. The other man was facing his open locker, which meant his back was to the door of the locker room where Buck stood. Eddie’s slumped shoulders gave away the exhaustion he was feeling and Buck could see a large purpling bruise peeking out from under the man’s shirt sleeve. Buck cleared his throat awkwardly, not sure how else to grab the other man’s attention.

Eddie turned at the sound, his brows furrowed as he took in the blonde nurse stood in the doorway clad in Finding Nemo scrubs. “Buck? What are you doing here?” he asked, shutting his locker door and turning to face the man.

“I uh… I heard you guys were at the factory fire,” Buck explained softly, taking a few more steps into the room to make the gap between them smaller. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Really?” Eddie scoffed sarcastically, making Buck flinch, “That’s surprising. I didn’t think you’d even care considering how fast you ran out of my place the last time and the fact that you’ve completely ignored me for the last few weeks.” Eddie’s hands came to rest of his hips, but Buck could tell in his posture that it was more of a defensive stance than it was a hostile one. 

“Of course I care, Eddie. I care a lot. About you and Chris.”

“Well, you have a funny way of showing it,” Eddie huffed out, letting his hands fall to his sides. “After you ran out like you did, all I wanted to do was make sure that you were okay, but you wouldn’t talk to me. One minute we were kissing and the next you were out of there faster than road runner and I’m still not sure why. Whatever I did to make you uncomfortable, I didn’t mean it.”

“It wasn’t you Eddie. You didn’t do anything,”

“Can you spare me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line’?”

“It’s not a line,” Buck protested, taking a deep breath and moving forward again so he was directly in front of Eddie. Now that he was within touching distance of the other man, he could clearly see the cut at his hair line held together with butterfly strips and the scrape and burise decorating his left cheekbone. Other than that, he just looked tired. “Eddie, I need you to hear me when I say that you did nothing wrong. I didn’t leave that day because of you.”

“Then why did you leave?” Eddie asked, his voice soft as he locked eyes with Buck, “I thought we were on the same page. I thought that we both wanted this. Wanted us.”

Buck nodded, looking down at the floor, “I care about you Eddie. A lot. So much that it’s a little scary. And I enjoyed the kisses and being close to you like that.”

“So why did you leave?” the firefighter asked again.

“It’s a long story,” Buck breathed, looking up at Eddie again, “And I don’t think the firehouse locker room is the appropriate place to have this conversation.”

“Do you want to take this conversation back to my house? Chris is at school.”

“You should probably be resting,” Buck protested gently, his eyes looking over Eddie injuries again.

“I’m tired,” Eddie admitted, “But I will never be too tired for you when you need me.”

Buck’s heart stuttered at Eddie’s admission before he nodded, “Okay. I’ll meet you there,” Buck agreed, and watched Eddie hike his bag over his shoulder and make his way towards the door. Before Eddie could pull the door open, Buck reached out for the man’s hand, stopping him. Eddie looked back curiously as Buck squeezed his hand, “For what it’s worth. I am really glad you’re okay,” Buck said softly, his blue eyes meeting Eddie’s brown. 

The soft smile that enveloped Eddie’s faced as he squeezed back before letting go made the anxiety filling Buck’s chest seem, at least a little, worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are always appreciated and welcome.
> 
> Again, sorry it took so long to get a new chapter out.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape mentioned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually impressed I got this chapter out so soon. Where I live in Oregon, we were hit with a pretty severe ice storm. I was out of power/heat for 4 straight days. Nothing like people in Texas are experiencing, but still exhausting and a hinder to writing in general.
> 
> Anyway, I hope this chapter lives up to expectations.

**Chapter 11:**

The whole drive to Eddie’s home was completely nerve wracking for Buck. He knew that he needed to tell Eddie why he had run out, why he was so skittish. And a part of him really wanted to. He trusted Eddie. He wanted to get closer to Eddie. And in order to do that, he needed to be honest with the man. None of that knowledge, though, did anything to calm his nerves about laying it all out there for Eddie to see.

Eddie pulled into the driveway of his home a few moments before Buck, who parked beside him in the drive. Eddie exited his car, locking it behind him as he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked to the front door. Buck quickly followed, not wanting to show any hesitation to Eddie. The firefighter stayed quiet as he lead them into the dark and quiet home. Buck made sure to lock the door behind him as Eddie beelined it for the couch, dropping his duffle on the floor and kicking it towards the wall so it was out of the way. Buck watched as the other man sunk down onto the sofa, kicking his feet up on the coffee table and tilting his head back with his eyes closed. Buck paused, ducking into the kitchen to grab a two bottles of water before heading out to Eddie.

He sat down on the other side of the couch, reaching out with a water bottle and pressing it against Eddie’s arm. The brunette man’s eyes opened at the cool sensation on his arm and he shot Buck a grateful smile as he took the bottle and gulped some down. Buck sipped at his own bottle, keeping his eyes fixed anywhere but Eddie as he tried to figure out how to start this conversation.

“You said it wasn’t me,” Eddie started the conversation for him, “But, it was when we were kissing, that you freaked out. So I had to have done something.” Buck could feel Eddie’s eyes on him, but he still didn’t look up.

“It really wasn’t you,” Buck said firmly as he picked at the label of his water bottle. “Before you…before LA, I was in Vegas for a while, like I told you,” he chanced a glance and was Eddie looking at him and nodding his head. “There was someone in Vegas. A man. It was just supposed to be a hook up,” Buck’s voice cracked and he looked away, “But he made me stick around. I wasn’t allowed to leave.”

“Buck,” Eddie reached out slowly and grasped Buck’s hand, “You don’t have to..”

“I do,” Buck sniffled, squeezing Eddie’s hand. “I need to say this” he paused to take a deep breath, “The man I was with…well things weren’t consensual.” Buck finally spit out, letting out a nervous chuckle and allowing the tears escape his eyes, “I was raped, Eddie. Every day for over a year.” He blurted out, refusing to meet the other man’s eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever said it out loud like that before. 

“Buck, I am so sorry,” Eddie said softly, keeping his grip on Buck’s hand tight as he watched the blonde wipe at his eyes.

“The worst part is the after affects. I still have nightmares. I still hate meeting strangers. Anytime someone touches me I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest, and not in a good way.” Buck finally looked over at Eddie, ready to deal with the other man’s pity, but that is not what he saw. Instead he saw understanding, he saw hurt for him, and maybe even a bit of anger, though he knew the anger wasn’t pointed at him. 

“I am so sorry that you went through that, but I am so proud of you,”

“Proud?” Buck snorted, shaking his head.

“Yes proud. Proud of you for moving forward and getting to where you are now. And proud of you for telling me.”

“You needed to know what happened. You needed to know that it wasn’t you,” Buck turned so his entire body was turned and facing Eddie. “You make me happy Eddie. I feel safe with you. That was never an issue. But that day…when we were kissing, your hand slipped under my shirt and I….suddenly I wasn’t there with you anymore. I back in Vegas and I panicked.”

“I’m sorry that I scared you,” Eddie said softly, “I never meant to push you to do something you didn’t want or weren’t ready for.”

“I know that, Eddie. I know you. And I trust you. But I can’t control the flashbacks. And honestly, I’m not sure I can handle being touched in an intimate way. As much as my heart and my body may enjoy it, my brain doesn’t allow me to.”

“Hey,” Eddie called softly, squeezing Buck’s hand until the other man met his gaze, “I’m not upset or mad. I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. I will do my best not to do it again.”

“Again?” Buck questioned, his voice soft. “You still want to be with me?”

“Of course,” Eddie said firmly, scooting over on the couch to be right next to Buck, “Buck, I really like you. Like, really. It’s been a long time since I have felt this strongly about someone. I can’t let that slip through my fingers. Let you slip through my fingers. As long as it is something you want as well.”

“I do,” Buck sniffled as he nodded, “But Eddie…I’m not even sure I will ever want to have sex again.”

“Sex isn’t the be all and end all,” Eddie reassured, “Don’t get me wrong, you’re gorgeous and I am extremely attracted to you, but it’s not just your body I’m attracted to. I love your kindness and how you show every stranger you meet incredible understanding and care. I love how great you are with my son, and your sense of humor, and just your heart Buck. You have a wonderful heart and I would be crazy to let you go. “

“Are you sure?”

“Buck, I want you in my life. I want you to be my boyfriend. But if it’s too much or something you don’t want, you need to tell me now and I will back off.”

“I don’t want you to back off,” Buck breathed.

The smile that crossed Eddie’s face was absolutely beautiful, and Buck felt new tears prickling at his eyes, this time happy ones. Eddie slowly raised his free hand to cup the side of Buck’s face and the blonde man gripped his wrist as he leaned into the touch, “Can I kiss you now?” Eddie asked and waited for Buck’s nod before he closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together. 

Their awkward seated position did nothing to make the kiss anything less meaningful. It was Buck who deepened it, his tongue swiping across Eddie’s lips until the other man let it inside. It was dirty, but sweet at the same time, their lips moving in tandem and tongues battling for dominance. Eddie kept one hand on Buck’s cheek and the other gripping the man’s hand as they made out like teenagers on Eddie’s couch. Eddie was the one to break the kiss when a yawn escaped him, making Buck chuckle.

“You need to sleep,” he said softly, raising his own hand to cup Eddie’s cheek and rub his thumb against the scrape that was there.

“I would much rather stay here and kiss you,” Eddie whined before another yawn broke through, “Sorry.”

“Sleep,” Buck ordered, standing up and tugging on Eddie’s hand until the firefighter stood as well.

“Stay?” Eddie requested, both of his hands gripping Buck’s and the blonde offered a soft smile.

“Sure.”

Eddie led them down the hall to his bedroom and Buck had a sense of déjà vu. He watched with a heated gaze as Eddie stripped his shirt of and changed quickly into a pair of sweats before offering Buck a pair of shorts and tank top to change into. Buck changed quickly, aware of Eddie’s eyes on him as he chucked his scrubs to the side and put on the borrowed clothing. Once they were both changed, they slid into bed beside each other. Eddie settled on his back before reaching for Buck and pulling him close. The nurse went without complaint, resting his head against Eddie’s bare shoulder and tucking his face into the junction of his neck and collarbone. 

“I really appreciate that you told me,” Eddie murmured into the quiet.

“Thanks for still being here,” Buck said into Eddie’s warm skin.

“I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to,” Eddie replied, sleepiness clear in his voice. Buck smiled and pressed a kiss to Eddie’s neck before settling down for a nap. 

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ 

Buck woke up with his head still pillowed on Eddie’s chest, afternoon sunshine peeking in through the curtains in Eddie’s room, and Eddie’s fingers soothingly stoking though his hair. The house is quiet, and Eddie’s breathing was even beneath his cheek. It’s the most content Buck has felt in a long time. He knew that he and Eddie are going to have to work through some things, but for right now, he felt happy.

“What time do you have to pick up Chris?” Buck sleepily asked, breaking the quiet and alerting Eddie that he was awake.

Eddie’s fingers paused for a moment, allowing him to press a kiss to the crown of Buck’s head, before continuing, “We have about an hour before we have to be out the door,” Eddie said softly, “Did you sleep well?”

Buck hummed against Eddie’s skin, pressing a kiss to the man’s chest, “Yeah. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I laid down.”

“I know that feeling,” Eddie agreed, letting his hand drop from Buck’s hair to rest against the small of his back, rubbing soothing circles through his shirt. 

“How do you feel?” Buck asked, tilting his head enough that he could see Eddie’s face and the bruising that had formed while they napped, “You’re looking awfully purple.”

Eddie snorted, “Thanks,” he replied sarcastically, and Buck couldn’t help but smile, “I’m okay. A little sore, but I’ve definitely had worse.” Buck shifted so he was level with Eddie and turned on his side to face him. Eddie turned as well so he could face Buck, a bright smile on his face. “I’ve been wanting you back in my bed for a while,”

Buck blushed at Eddie’s confession, looking away from the man, “I am really sorry for how I left last time. And for not answering your texts and calls.”

Eddie’s hand came up to rest on Buck’s chin and lift it gently so he was looking into those beautiful blue eyes, “Buck, I’m not mad. I was never mad. Hurt and confused? Yes. But never mad,” Eddie pressed a kiss to the other man’s forehead, “But now that I know…I don’t fault you for freaking out.”

“I’m still sorry. I never felt unsafe with you. I just was ashamed to tell you what was going on in my brain.”

“You should never feel ashamed of what you went through, Buck,” Eddie said softly and sincerely, “You are one of the strongest people I know for getting through that and becoming this amazing man I see in front of me. You could’ve let it all bog you down, but you didn’t. You chose to rise above it and not let it define your life. That takes unbelievable strength.”

“I still have nightmares. Flashbacks,”

“I still have nightmares and flashbacks about Afghanistan. I know it’s not the same, but trauma stays with us. There’s going to be good days and bad days. It’s how we deal with the bad days that will make the biggest difference,” Eddie murmured into the quiet room, “All I ask is that you let me help on the bad days. Don’t shut me out.”

“I’ll try, but I’ve dealt with all this alone for so long…”

“Just remember you’re not alone anymore,” Eddie closed the small gap between them to press his lips to Buck’s in a gentle, reassuring, kiss.

“You’re really not…mad that I may never want to have sex with you?” Buck asked after a moment, insecurity clear in his voice.

“Sex is about intimacy. Intimacy doesn’t have to be sex,” Eddie reassured him, “There are other ways to show you care about someone. Just means we get to be creative,”

“There’s a doctor at the hospital, a psychiatrist, I talk to some times about it all. Other than Maddie, and now you, no one knows what happened in Vegas but him. I think I’m going to talk to him about it. See if he has suggestions on how to work up to it.”

“Buck, I don’t need sex. I don’t need you to push yourself into something you don’t want to do.”

“But that’s the thing. I do want it. I want it a lot. It’s not the physical part I’m afraid of. I trust you. I know you’d never hurt me. I just need to keep the past out of my head when we’re together. If I can figure you how to do that, then we have a chance at being a real couple.”

“We are a real couple, Buck. I don’t need you naked In my bed to prove that.”

“I still want to try,” Buck murmured softly.

“And that’s your choice. Just don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself.” Eddie pressed another kiss to Buck’s lips and then one to his forehead before rolling out of the bed and standing. Buck took a moment to admire the view of a shirtless Eddie, sweatpants low on his hips and if the smirk Eddie was wearing was any indication, the other man knew Buck was staring. “C’mon, let’s get ready to get the kid. Maybe we can surprise him with ice cream.”

Buck reluctantly removed himself from the warmth of Eddie’s bed while the man rifled through his dresser before throwing a shirt at Buck. “None of my pants will be long enough for you, but it’s warm enough, those shorts you’re wearing should work fine. I’m going to go freshen up,” he said, walking by Buck and squeezing his bicep as he passed to get to the bathroom.

Buck swapped the borrowed tank top for the borrowed T-shirt Eddie had just given him before taking the time to straighten up the bed and remake it. He used the mirror above Eddie’s dresser to try and tame his hair a bit before exiting the bedroom and heading for the kitchen. He scoured Eddie’s refrigerator and pantry, taking note of what ingredients the man had on hand.

“You hungry?” Eddie asked as he walked into the room and saw Buck looking in his cupboards.

“No, just looking at what I had to work with,”

“For what?”

“For dinner,” Buck explained, rolling his eyes, “I think I can make a pretty decent stir fry with what you have.”

“You don’t have to make us dinner,”

Buck shrugged, “I want to. I like cooking. I like having people to cook for, for the first time in a while. And, I’m looking forward to a night in with my Diaz boys.”

“Your boys, huh?” Eddie asked playfully, a smirk on his face as he reached Buck and put gentle hands on his hips, prompting the blonde to wrap his arms around Eddie’s neck. 

“Yep, mine,” Buck retorted before closing the gap to kiss Eddie deeply. 

If they were a little late picking Christopher up from school? Well, they made it up to him with a double scoop of ice cream on the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my day.
> 
> I take all feedback seriously and use it to make the story better.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

“While it’s been a while since I’ve had to beg you to come to these things, I still never would’ve thought you’d show up early and offer to help out,” Maddie commented as she got a plethora of food ready for the monthly 118 family BBQ.

“You make it sound like I never help out,” Buck protested as he finished chopping the fruit Maddie had placed in front of him.

“You don’t. Not unless you are trying to make up for something, or need something,” Maddie eyed her brother as she dumped bags of chips into bowls to set out on the table. 

“Maybe I just wanted to spend some sibling bonding time with my sister,” Buck retorted as he plated the cut pieces of fruit.

“That would be really sweet if I actually believed it,” Maddie placed the fruit platter on the table as well before leaning on her elbows against the kitchen island and locking eyes with her brother. “You’re nervous. I can see it in your actions. I just can’t figure out why.”

Buck sighed, placing his palms flat on the counter and letting his head hang down, “This is the first time I’m coming to one of these BBQ’s as Eddie’s boyfriend,” He admitted softly.

Maddie’s face stretched into a wide grin and she let out a gentle chuckle, “Is that what you’re worried about? Buck, it’s all the people you’ve been around before. Just the fire crew and their loved ones. There’s nobody new coming.”

“But before I was just your brother. Now I’m Eddie’s boyfriend. And these guys are Eddie’s family. What if they’re not cool about it?”

“Buck,” Maddie said softly, reaching across the counter to place her hand over her brothers, “Everyone knows you’re together. And we’re all happy for you. Chim says Eddie’s been happier lately, and I know it’s because of you. You seem happier too.”

“I am,” Buck admitted softly, a small smile working its way onto his own face.

“That’s all we care about. We just want you guys to be happy. No one is going to treat you any different.”

Buck blew out a breath and nodded his head, trying to accept what his sister was saying. This monthly BBQ felt more like a meet the parents situation, and Buck had never had to do that with any of his past relationships or hookups. While the 118 wasn’t Eddie’s blood family, they were still some of the most important people to him, and their opinion mattered. He just hoped Maddie was right, and that they would act like nothing changed, because Buck was finally starting to feel like he belonged somewhere.

“I feel like there’s something else,” Maddie pressed, her eyes searching her brother’s frame.

“There is,” Buck admitted, not feeling the need to deny it in front of his sister, “But it’s not something you can really help me with.”

“Try me. I might surprise you,” Maddie teased with an open smile.

“It’s kind of…personal,” Buck said, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Maddie seemed to get the insinuation, and she straightened up as she softened her features, “You don’t have to talk to me about it, but you can if you want to. I’m the one who had to give you all the awkward talks as you were growing up, remember?” the siblings chuckled.

Buck hesitated, biting his lower lip before taking a deep breath, “I’ve been talking to the psychiatrist at the hospital some more about what happened,” He revealed, glancing up at his sister, “Specifically about how I can feel comfortable being with someone again.”

“Eddie’s not pushing you to do anything, is he?” Maddie asked, her whole expression changing at the mere thought.

“No!” Buck was quick to reassure, “No, absolutely not. Eddie would never!”

“I didn’t think so, but I had to make sure. You’re my baby brother, I will always protect you.”

Buck offered a small smile, “Eddie’s been great. After I told him everything, I was worried that maybe he wouldn’t want to be around me anymore,” Buck admitted, “But he’s been wonderful. Understanding. Respectful. But almost too respectful.”

“I’m not following,” Maddie said, confusion clear on her face.

“We’ve been dating for nearly a month but I feel like I’m making out with my first boyfriend freshman year of high school. The separating to cool down, the no hands beneath clothes, the immediate freak out if our groins touch. It’s embarrassing,” Buck rubbed his hand across his face.

“It sounds like he wants to make sure you’re comfortable with everything. He’s being considerate,”

“I know!” Buck groaned, “That’s why I’m so frustrated. Eddie is being the sweetest, but I hate feeling like I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken, Evan.”

“I know. And I’ve been working with Dr. Oliver a lot and I just…” Buck sighed, crossing his arms on the counter and dropping his forehead to rest on them, “I just want to have the opportunity to admire and maybe even touch my boyfriend’s incredibly hot and naked body,” he said into the counter.

“Okay…I did not need that image seared into my brain,” Maddie groaned, before looking at her brother sympathetically. “It sounds to me like you’re wanting to go a little bit farther than you have been.”

“I don’t know,” Buck groaned into the counter before lifting his head, “No, I take that back. I do. I want to. Maybe not full on sex, but _something_. I think I’m ready to try.”

“Then you have to talk to Eddie. Tell him that. He’s not going to make a move until you tell him to.”

“How do you tell your boyfriend to stop treating you like glass because you want to touch his body.”

Maddie snorted, shaking her head at her brother, “Just like that,” she teased, but then got somber, “Just promise me that you will only do things you absolutely want to do. There’s no pressure. You are in charge of your body. You and your feelings matter, Evan.”

Buck’s features softened, and he reached out to squeeze his sister’s hand, “I promise Mads.”

A knock on the door promptly ended the conversation. “Never in my life did I think I would be standing in my kitchen discussing my brother’s sex life,” Maddie muttered, making Buck chuckle as she went to let in the first of their afternoon guests.

Hen and her family were the first to arrive, the female paramedic letting out a cackle when Maddie explained that Chimney had to make an emergency run to the store for the paper plates he had been tasked with buying all week yet forgot. Soon followed Captain Nash and his family and a couple of other members of the 118 Buck had been introduced to but didn’t know well. Everyone greeted Buck with smiles and handshakes, no judgement or concern in their eyes when they looked at him, and Buck found himself slowly relaxing.

Eddie had texted earlier that he and Chris would be late, Christopher’s occupational therapy appointment running long, so Buck tried to busy himself with restocking the food or tidying up after the kids. Everyone being welcoming did nothing to negate the fact that Buck was very socially inept. When Bobby began to prepare the hamburgers and hot dogs, Buck offered to fire up the grill, blushing at the grateful smile the fire captain shot him. He grabbed a beer on his way outside, thankful he wasn’t working until the next evening, and began fiddling with the grill.

Buck was so focused on his task that he didn’t hear the footsteps approaching from behind him, and he nearly jumped out of his skin when a pair of arms circled around his waist, “Sorry,” Eddie murmured a sincere apology, pressing a kiss against the side of Buck’s throat, “I thought you’d heard me.”

“It’s fine,” Buck replied, leaning back against Eddie and placing his empty hand on the forearm resting against his stomach. After all it wasn’t Eddie’s fault that he startled easily. And Eddie would never sneak up on him on purpose now that he knew about his past, “Where’s Chris?”

“Inside with Harry and Denny. Harry brought over his Nintendo switch so they’re taking turns playing a game.”

“How’d his appointment go?” Buck asked, letting go of Eddie’s arm to fiddle with the dials on the grill some more.

“Good. He’s always tired and a little frustrated afterwards, but he and I both know that he’s making progress with his mobility. But his arm being casted for so long definitely set him back a bit.” Eddie let go of Buck so the man could finish readying the grill, swiping the beer from his boyfriend’s hand and taking a swig of it, ignoring Buck’s glare. “You coming over after the party.”

“Do you want me to come over after the party?” Buck countered, closing the lid on the grill and stepping aside as Bobby came out with plates of burgers and hot dogs to put on.

“I always want you to come over,” Eddie whispered into Buck’s ear, sending a shiver down the taller man’s spine, before stepping away from him and walking back into the house, Buck’s beer still in his hand and a shit-eating grin on his face.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“Well, he went down surprisingly quick,” Eddie commented as he returned to his living room after putting Christopher to bed. 

Buck was lounging across the sofa, his large frame taking up the entire piece of furniture with his head propped up on one of the arms and a half drunk beer bottle resting on his stomach, but supported with his right hand. Eddie could get used to the sight before him. Having Buck in his home was so natural and so peaceful, he wondered how he ever managed before him. Eddie crossed the room and scooped Buck’s legs up so he could sit down before resting the nurse’s long limbs across his lap and reaching for the open beer bottle Buck had left on the coffee table.

“He seemed tired today,” Buck commented softly as Eddie brought his beer to his lips to swallow, his other hand squeezing one of Buck’s ankles.

“OT and PT take a lot out of him. He tries so hard, and gets so easily frustrated at himself sometimes. I don’t know if it’s the physical or mental part of therapy that tires him out more.”

“It tires you out too,” Buck stated, his eyes on Eddie’s face as the thumb Eddie had resting on his ankle began to move in soothing circles.

“I just hate seeing him struggle or be upset,” Eddie said softly, looking over at Buck. “He’s my world and I just want him to be happy.”

“He is,” Buck insisted, nudging Eddie gently with his foot, “He’s one of the happiest kids I know. And you’re a great dad Eddie. You know when to step back and let him struggle, even though you hate it, but you also know when the struggle will be too much and step in. I’ve seen a lot of not great parents in my time, even had my own set, you’re doing amazing.”

“Thank you,” Eddie smiled tightly, squeezing Buck’s ankle again.

The couple sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, nursing their beers and their thoughts. The house was warm and still, and perfect for just sitting and being for a little while. Eventually, Buck found himself beginning to doze, his hand becoming slack around the now empty beer bottle. He was roused when Eddie shifted, sliding out from underneath Buck’s legs before bending over the man to take the bottle, pressing a lingering kiss to Buck’s forehead in the process.”

“C’mon, bed for you,” Eddie eased softly, poking at Buck’s side.

The blonde groaned, swatting at Eddie’s hand, “I don’t wanna,” he said petulantly. He was comfortable right where he was. At least he had been until Eddie moved.

Eddie chuckled and pressed light, featherlike kisses all over Buck’s face, making the other man scrunch his nose at the tickling sensation, “ The bed will be more comfortable,” Eddie encouraged, before pressing his lips against Buck’s for a slow kiss. When he pulled away, Buck let out a pathetic whine, “There’s more of that if you go to bed,” Eddie teased, taking the empty beer bottles to the kitchen while Buck heaved himself off of the sofa with a deep sigh.

By the time Eddie had finished locking up the house and turning out all of the lights, Buck was settled onto what had become his side of the bed in his boxer briefs and one of Eddie’s softest t-shirts. His hair was fluffy, most likely from running his fingers through it, and his eyes sleepy as he scrolled through his phone.

“I thought for sure you’d already be asleep,” Eddie laughed as he turned off the overhead light and allowed the soft glow of the beside lap to illuminate the room as he shucked off his jeans.

“Nope,” Buck shook his head, before placing his phone on the end table, “I was promised more kisses.” Eddie shook his head, but a happy smile was on his face as he pulled his shirt over his head and began rummaging through his dresser for a new one, “No shirt,” came Buck’s soft voice, making Eddie turn to find his boyfriend propped up against the headboard and raking his eyes up and down Eddie’s mostly naked frame.

“You sure?” Eddie asked, always trying to be considerate of Buck’s feelings.

“I’m sure,” Buck smiled cheekily, “My boyfriend’s hot and I want to indulge in that a bit tonight.”

Eddie smirked, but forewent the shirt, making his way over to the bed and sliding into the empty space beside Buck. Buck turned on his side to face Eddie while the brunette man propped himself up on his elbow to look at the blonde below him.

“Hi,” Buck said softly, a warm smile on his face.

“Hi,” Eddie whispered back, his own soft smile adorning his face before he closed the gap and pressed their smiles together.

The kiss was slow, and soft to start out with but soon got more hungry as Buck’s hand came up to cup the back of Eddie’s neck and pull him closer. Buck deepened the kiss even more, sliding his tongue into Eddie’s warm, wet mouth, and letting his hand slide down Eddie’s back until he could pull the other man’s entire body against him. Their hips crashed together beneath the blankets, both men very clearly on their way to being completely hard. Eddie pulled back his hips immediately, arching his back in the process and dislodging his lips from Buck’s.

“Sorry, sorry,” Eddie heaved his apology, keeping his groin far from Buck’s as they both panted.

“Come back,” Buck urged between gasps for breath, his hand that was still on Eddie’s back trying to pull him in again.

“Buck,” Eddie groaned, squeezing his eyes tightly shut, “I’m really trying to be good here…”

“Maybe I don’t want you to be,” Buck said softly into the space between them making Eddie open his eyes, brown locking with blue.

“Buck…”

“Eddie, I need you to trust me. If there is something I don’t feel comfortable with, I will say something, but I’m not some fragile doll you need to be scared to touch all of the time,” Buck stated firmly.

“I know you’re not fragile,” Eddie breathed out softly, reaching out to rest his palm on Buck’s cheek, “You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

“Then trust me. I may not be ready for everything, but I’m ready for this,” Buck insisted before pulling at Eddie again.

This time Eddie went with Buck’s pull, until their hips were once again flush with one another and there was no space between them. Eddie searched Buck’s eyes as their erections pressed against one another through their briefs. When he saw no fear or hesitation in the other man’s eyes, he allowed himself to get lost in the moment once again and secure his mouth over his boyfriends. This time the kissing was hard and dirty, tongues sliding over tongues, spit connecting their lips and breaths speeding up. 

Eddie rolled them until Buck was flat on his back and Eddie was pressed completely on top of him, his hips grinding down against Buck’s, making the other man pull away from the kiss to let out a poorly muffled moan. Buck’s hands slid down to cup Eddie’s clothed ass, pulling his hips down for even more friction as they rutted against each other. Eddie trailed kisses down Buck’s neck, sucking lightly at his pulse point but not hard enough to leave a mark while they continued to bump and grind their erections together. It wasn’t long before Buck was gasping, his body becoming taut underneath Eddie’s with his head thrown back as his orgasm washed over him. Eddie took in the sight before him, Buck’s flushed cheeks, and heaving chest combined with the wetness of the other man’s briefs as he pressed against him sent Eddie finally tumbling over the edge as well after a few more thrusts of his hips.

Eddie tucked his face against Buck’s sweaty neck, his breath coming in pants that matched the man underneath him. His chest was sticky with sweat and his boxers were getting crusty with dried cum but he didn’t even care. After a moment, he pushed himself up to look down at the blonde, his right hand coming up to cup Buck’s warm left cheek, his thumb rubbing at the man’s cheek bone.

“You okay?” he asked softly,

A lazy smile broke out on Buck’s face as his blue eyes fluttered open, “I’m great,” he reassured.

“Yeah?” Eddie questioned, wanting to be certain,

Buck craned his head up to press a chaste kiss to Eddie’s lips before flopping back against the pillow once again, “Yeah,” he confirmed.

Both men let out nervous, relieved, chuckles before Eddie rolled off of Buck and stood from the bed, ignoring the nurse’s noises of complaint. He grabbed a clean pair of boxers on his way to the bathroom, stripping the soiled ones off as soon as he was inside and using a wash cloth to clean the stickiness off his skin before putting the clean ones on. When he returned to the bedroom, Buck hadn’t moved, but did sit up a bit to take the offered wash cloth from Eddie. He wiggled out of his briefs, using the covers as a shield and used the wash cloth to clean himself up, giving Eddie a grateful smile when he handed him a clean pair of briefs to put on. Once he was in clean underwear, Buck shucked off his sweaty shirt and got settled back in bed, Eddie sliding in beside him. The firefighter reached out to pull Buck to him, the blonde not putting up a fight and snuggling into Eddie’s chest.

“While that was very high school of us….I loved it,” Buck said against Eddie’s bare chest, pressing a kiss above the man’s nipple.

Eddie hummed from above him, pressing a kiss to Buck’s curls and holding him tighter, “It’s a good way to end a good day,” he mumbled against the top of Buck’s head, his eyes heavy with sleep.

“It was,” Buck agreed as Eddie went limp underneath him as sleep pulled him under. Buck pressed another kiss against Eddie’s chest, a smile on his face as he closed his own eyes. He was proud of himself. What they had just done, while very high school-ish, was such a big step for him and his healing process. And Eddie had been so kind and so gentle. He couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but him. _Trusting_ anyone else but him. Buck allowed himself to begin to doze, content, happy, and sated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @kml8990


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Buck never thought he’d ever have a morning after again. Not since Paul. And if you had asked him, he never could’ve predicted this kind of morning after. The kind where he was warm and content lying on his stomach next to a furnace of a man whom he was on his way to falling head over heels for. The kind where the click-clack of crutches on hard wood was what roused him before anything else, followed by a small body clambering over him with a bony knee cap hitting him in the kidney. No, it wasn’t a morning after that he would have ever been able to predict, but it was perfect.

Buck let his eyes flutter open in time to see Eddie pull Christopher into the center of the bed and cuddle him close. Chris was giggling happily, his curls a mess from sleep, and Eddie had a sleepy smile on his face as he attempted the shush the boy. It was the most beautiful sight to see in the early Sunday morning light streaming partially through the blinds.

“Dad,” Christopher attempted to whisper and Buck had to hide his chuckle at the loudness of it, “Can we have pancakes?”

“Sure,” Eddie smiled softly at his son, running his fingers through Christopher’s unruly curls, “I’ll try not to burn them this time.”

“Buck could help,” Chris pipped up happily, and Eddie glanced over at his boyfriend, surprised to see Buck’s blue eyes open and focused on them.

“I don’t know, Chris, he might be just as bad as making pancakes as I am.”

Christopher shook his head, reaching a hand out to pat Eddie’s cheek, “No one’s as bad as you are dad.”

The dryness of the statement had loud laughter billowing out of Buck while Eddie feigned shock at his son’s words. Buck turned over onto his back as Eddie launched his tickle attack on the boy, making Christopher squeal and wiggle, his legs kicking out on their own accord but Buck didn’t mind when the kid’s heel connected with his shin. He watched the father and son with a smile on his face. The bond that the pair had was unbelievably sweet. After a few minutes of tickle torture, Eddie let up on his assault, and Buck was surprised when the boy rolled himself onto the blonde’s chest, burrowing as close to Buck as he could with a soft plea of ‘save me!’

Buck rubbed his hand up and down the boys heaving back, glancing at Eddie with a smile, “Save you from your dad’s cooking, or just your dad?”

“Both,” came the muffled reply from where Christopher’s face was pressed into the crook of Buck’s neck.

“Well,” Buck pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Christopher’s head, blushing a little at Eddie’s eyes watching him, “He’s your dad, so I can’t save you from him entirely. But I can save you from his cooking,” he chuckled, holding Chris on his lap as he shifted to a seated position.

“Pancakes?” The boy asked with a menacing grin as he pulled back from Buck’s chest to look at the man.

“Chocolate Chip pancakes,” Buck whispered conspiratorily

“Yay!” Christopher cheered, scrambling off of the bed before getting his crutches situated and taking off out of the room towards the kitchen.

“You sticking around to deal with the sugar high that comes with those pancakes?” Eddie inquired with a raised eyebrow as Buck slid out of bed and slipped on a pair of shorts.

“Of course not!” Buck teased, “I have a shift in two hours. You’re on your own!”

Buck made his way out to the kitchen, leaving Eddie cursing playfully under his breath in the bedroom. Christopher was waiting impatiently in the kitchen, his wide smile growing even bigger at the sight of Buck. “Can I help?” he asked excitedly, his eyes squinting up at Buck.

“I always need a sous chef!”

“What’s that?”

“A person who helps someone cook,” Buck explained, lifting Christopher to sit on the counter next to the stove, setting the boy’s crutches out of the way.

“Like Remy from Ratatouille?”

Buck chuckled, “Like Remy,” he agreed. “Ok little man, I’ll get the ingredients into the bowl and then it’s your job to mix them all together, think you can do that?” At Christopher’s nod of agreement Buck got started. 

It really shouldn’t have surprised Eddie just how well Buck knew his kitchen, but it did as he watched from the hall. Buck knew which cupboards the mixing bowl and fry pan were in. He also seemed to know that he kept the chocolate chips and all the other sweets in the high cupboard above the refrigerator so his son couldn’t help himself whenever he wanted. Chris was a great, well behaved kid, but he had a sweet tooth like no other. 

The conversation between Christopher and Buck flowed smoothly from topic to topic. They talked about Christopher’s science project, then the new video game Tia Pepa had gifted him, followed by a new boy at school who had teased Chris about his crutches. Eddie was about to step in, a frown on his face at the boy’s explanation of the bullying he was experiencing, but stopped when he heard Buck begin to speak. 

“Kid,” Buck sighed, resting his palms on the counter on either side of Christopher’s legs as the boy stirred the pancake ingredients in the bowl on his lap, “I wish I could say that mean people go away, that it gets better when you get older, but I’d be lying. There’s always going to be mean people, people who judge you or think they can be rude to you because you’re different, and that really and truly sucks. But there’s something I want you to remember, okay?” the blonde man asked, locking eyes with Christopher, who stopped stirring to give Buck his full attention. “People can be mean, but remember that it says nothing about you and a lot about them.”

“What does that mean?” Christopher asked, confusion clear on his face.

“It means that you don’t deserve to be treated that way and there is no reason for someone to be mean to you. It also means that when people are mean, the world sees that they’re mean and no one wants to be friends with a mean person.”

“Were people ever mean to you, Buck?”

“Yeah, Chris, people have been mean to me,” Buck said honestly, “In fact there was one person I knew once who was really mean to me. But you know what?”

“What?”

“I learned that I didn’t do anything wrong. That that person was mean to me because they chose to be mean to me. So I made the choice not to talk to that person any more. To move on and make better friends. Christopher, you do not have to be friends with the boy who was mean to you, you know that right? You still need to be kind, because you don’t want people to think you’re a mean person, but you don’t have to be his friend. And if he keeps being mean to you, it’s okay to tell a grown up. Grown ups are here to help you.”

“That’s what Daddy says,”

“Well your Dad is a pretty smart man,” Buck commented, encouraging Chris to continue stirring the pancake batter.

“Yeah, but he’s a really bad cook.”

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Buck couldn’t hide the smile on his face as he walked into the hospital later that morning. He was happy, why should he try to hide it? He had had a pretty amazing evening with his boyfriend the night before, and he had the time of his life making chocolate chip pancakes with Christopher that morning. He was the most content he had been in a long time. 

“Oooh, someone got lucky last night!” Jasmine teased as Buck walked into the locker room to stash his bag.

“Whatever you say,” Buck all but ignored her, not willing to let his friend damper his mood.

“You’re not denying it?” Jasmine asked in shock as she closed her own locker and went to stand beside Buck’s, “You’re no fun if you don’t put up some kind of fight,” she pouted.

“Sorry to disappoint,” Buck commented as he closed his locker and pinned his ID badge onto his scrubs.

“So tell me, how is hot firefighter in bed?”

“What are we? 16? I’m not gossiping about my sex life,” Buck complained under his breath as he left the locker room, Jasmine hot on his heel.

“But you admit you do have a sex life now.” Buck glared at her, “Hey, I’m happy for you. It’s about time.”

Buck sighed, realizing that Jasmine wouldn’t leave him alone until he gave her something, “We didn’t….we didn’t do much,” he finally admitted to his friend, “I’m not ready to do much. My last relationship…it wasn’t great. So Eddie and I are taking it really slow. But we had a good night, and we took a big step.”

Jasmine’s teasing smile got soft, “I’m really happy for you Buck. You’ve been…lighter, happier, since Eddie. It looks good on you.”

“You called him Eddie,” Buck teased, ignoring the tight feeling in his chest at his friend’s words. 

“You ruined the moment,” Jasmine groaned, before leaving to see her first patient of the day.

Buck chuckled to himself as she walked away before taking the head nurse pager from the counter and getting to work himself. He scanned the charts in front of him, making sure nurses were assigned appropriately and working in a timely manner when a name caught his attention. He frowned at the medical chart before him, scanning the information carefully before heading into the treatment room. He pulled the curtain aside to find his sister in the hospital bed, her left hand wrapped in wads of blood soaked gauze.

“Maddie, what happened?” he asked, coming further into the room and stopping next to his sister.

Maddie gave him a sheepish smile, “I cut myself,”

“I can see that, but how?” Buck asked, placing her chart on the bed by her feet so he could slip on a pair of gloves and slowly unwrap her hand.

“I was coring an apple and the knife slipped,” Maddie hissed as Buck pulled away the last of the bandages to reveal a three inch gash on the tender area between her thumb and pointer finger.

“You’re going to need stitches,” He commented, poking gently at the skin before holding some new gauze against the bleeding wound. 

“Why do you think I’m here?”

“Don’t sass the person who is taking care of you,” Buck chided, glaring playfully at his sister.

“You’re in a good mood,” Maddie commented as Buck rewrapped her wound until a doctor could come suture it, “Should I be offended that it’s at my expense?”

“It’s not just you,” Buck said with a smile, taping the gauze in place and removing his gloves.

“Eddie?” she asked, her grin brightening at Buck’s bashful nod, “Did you actually talk to him?”

Buck shrugged, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was about to enter the room, “I told him that while I’m not ready to do everything with him, I am ready to take some small steps forward. So we did.”

“Evan,” she sighed happily, reaching out her good hand to squeeze her brother’s, “That’s great. You deserve to be happy.”

“You know you’re the second person to tell me that this morning,” he said softly, looking at their clasped hands.

“Because it true,” Maddie squeezed his hand again.

Before either of them could say anything else, a knock on the door drew their attention, a doctor ready to see Maddie. Buck stood, leaning over to press a kiss against his sister’s forehead before stepping away, “She’s all yours doc, but take good care of her. She’s my sister,” he clapped the doctor on the shoulder, and shot Maddie a smile before leaving the room to get back to work.

Buck was engrossed in paperwork at the nurses station when his sister came out half an hour later. Buck wasn’t even aware of her presence until her shadow blocked the overhead light, “You weren’t kidding when you said being head nurse came with a lot of paperwork.”

Buck laughed, and sat back in his chair, tossing his pen down on the stack of papers. “It’s one of the things I don’t like about the job. But there’s more that I do like, so it’s worth it. How’s the hand?”

“Eight stitches,” Maddie announced proudly holding up the wrapped hand for her brother to see.

“Impressive. Who knew cutting an apple was so dangerous.”

“You got time to walk a girl to her car?” she asked playfully.

“For you? Always,” Buck grinned, standing up and walking around the counter to stand next to his sister, Maddie hooking her arm through his elbow as he led her to the parking lot.

“So Eddie,” Maddie started, making Buck chuckle as his cheeks heated up.

“What about him?”

“This step forward you too….was it like a PG13 step forward or an R step forward?”

“Definitely an R,” Buck confirmed, biting his lip in an attempt to dampen his smile. “It was so high school too. Like, clothes on and grinding,”

“Okay, ew,” Maddie protested, but her smile never wavered.

“But he never made me feel embarrassed about it. He was sweet.”

“That’s great Evan,” Maddie hummed, pulling her brother closer to her as they approached her car.

“And this morning we woke up to Christopher wanting pancakes and it was just so….domestic. And I know its way, way too early to be saying or thinking this, but it felt like we were a family. That’s all I ever really wanted Mads, was a family.”

“I know,” she said softly, pulling her brother into a hug when they got to her car, “And for what’s it’s worth, I’ve known Eddie a few years now and I’ve never seen him look at another person they way he looks at you, so if I were a betting gal, I’d say he feels the same way you do.” Buck didn’t say anything as he opened Maddie’s door, allowing her to slide into the vehicle, “Go save some lives,” she teased, earning a soft laugh from Buck as he closed the door and watched as she backed out of her space and drove away.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“Diaz! You coming?” Chim called into the locker room where Eddie was sitting before his locker, lost in thought. 

“Yeah,” Eddie called back before closing his locker and following Chimney up the stairs to the loft where everyone was gathering for lunch. 

“You okay man?” Chimney asked as they all settled around the table, “You’re seem distracted and the shift just started.”

“Yeah, I’m good. Just thinking.”

“Must be serious to get you in your head,” Hen joked as she helped herself to a sandwich from the plate in the center of the table. 

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with a blonde nurse, would it?” Captain Nash asked as he took his seat at the table as well, making Eddie blush.

“Yeah, kinda,” he said, rubbing nervously at the back of his neck.

“Buck seems like a good guy,” Hen said, glancing across the table at the man.

“He’s great,” Eddie nodded, reaching for a sandwich of his own, “This morning he and Christopher were making pancakes and Chris told him about this kid who was being mean to him. He hadn’t even told me about it. And Buck…he was honest with Chris, and didn’t baby him and it was just….it was nice to see the two of them together. How he is with Chris, I couldn’t ask for anything better.”

“You got it bad,” Hen teased.

“Wait…made pancakes, as in he stayed the night and woke up to make your kid pancakes?” Chimney asked from Eddie’s other side.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Eddie confirmed with a coy smile.

“I’m happy for you Eddie,” Bobby clapped the man on the shoulder, and Eddie ducked his head as a blush spread across his cheeks.

“You two make a cute couple,” Hen smiled, teasingly, “And just think, if Chim marries Maddie and you marry Buck, you’ll officially be family!” Hen and Bobby chuckled as Eddie and Chim threw their napkins at her, neither one quite ready to think about marriage just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @kml8990
> 
> Kudos and comments make me smile! :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Some violence

**Chapter 14**

Buck could honestly say he was the happiest he had ever been. He had never really been happy growing up in Hershey. His parents not the most attentive or caring ones out there. Maddie had been the one to really raise him. She had bandaged every scraped knee, cuddled every fever away and was his shoulder to cry on through every hurt feeling he’d ever had. When Maddie was around, he had been happy, but he hadn’t felt real, true, content happiness until now. Until Eddie, and Christopher, and the little 118 family he had been adopted into over the last 6 months since his sister stumbled back into his life.

There were moments that Buck felt like it was too good to be true. That surely the other shoe was bound to drop and upend his life once again. He wasn’t perfect. Life wasn’t perfect. He still had nightmares, he still wouldn’t let Eddie touch his bare skin, he still flinched sometimes at sudden movements, he still had bad days. The biggest difference was that Eddie was there through it all with a warm smile and a hug when needed. He didn’t complain about the lack of physicality in their relationship, he didn’t make a big deal when Buck accidentally flinched at an unexpected movement or had days when he just wanted to be bundled under blankets on the couch. He didn’t make Buck feel like he was broken, and he definitely didn’t try to fix him, which is honestly, what Buck was most appreciative for. He didn’t need to be fixed, he just needed someone willing to be there when the rough patches hit. And so far, Eddie and Christopher had done just that.

“Hey loverboy!” Jasmine called across the nurses station, bringing Buck out of his thoughts, “Day dream about your snack of a man later. There’s work to be done!”

Buck rolled his eyes as the other nurses around him snickered at her comment, but he had to admit, she was right. They were down a few nurses due to the flu bug going around and the ER was currently overflowing with patients for a Wednesday afternoon. He sighed, and picked up the next chart before stepping into a treatment room.

“Good morning Mr. Wilson, I’m Buck. I’ll be your nurse today. What brings you in?” He asked, looking up from the chart in his hand to his patient.

Mr. Wilson was a man who looked to be in his late 40’s, with a broad stature and intimidating face. He also seemed to be very anxious, which had Buck frowning as he pulled on his medical gloves to check the man over.

“I busted some fingers is all. Just need some pain meds and I’ll be good to go,” the man explained with a harsh voice, holding up his left hand which had two swelling and purpling fingers.

“How’d that happen?” Buck asked calmly as he wrapped a blood pressure cuff around the man’s meaty arm.

“Shut it in a door,” came the curt reply, “Is this really necessary? Just give me something for the pain and send me on my way.”

“I can’t do that sir. We’ve got to make sure the bones aren’t displaced and set them. I’m afraid you’ll be here for a while,” Buck explained as soothingly as he could while he attempted to take the man’s blood pressure. As Buck pumped the cuff up, the man gathered the front of Buck’s scrubs in his uninjured fist and pulled him close angrily.

“I said, give me some morphine and I’ll get out of your hair.” The man growled into Buck’s face.

Buck’s hand came up to curl around the man’s wrist, his chest spiking in fear, “Sir, I need you to let me go so I can take care of you,” he requested calmly, trying not to show his fear of the situation to the man.

Mr. Wilson, swung his legs over the side of the bed, still gripping the front of Buck’s shirt. He roughly pushed Buck against the wall, the nurse wincing when his hip clipped the edge of the counter next to him, “I’m not walking out of here without some morphine,” he growled into Buck’s face.

“We don’t keep morphine in the treatment rooms, just the trauma rooms and locked supply cabinets. There’s none in here.”

“Then you and I are going on a little field trip,” The man growled, shoving Buck in front of him toward the door way, “And just so you don’t try anything,” Buck looked behind him in time for the man to open a switch blade and pull his sleeve down over his hand so it was concealed.

Buck swallowed hard, but nodded once before leaving the treatment room, aware of the man’s presence behind him. Of all the days for the ER to be loud and crowded, Buck knew there was no way anyone was going to notice the two men walking to the supply room. He used his keycard to swipe into the room, the man close behind and closing the door immediately behind them. When Buck didn’t move toward the medication right away, Mr. Wilson gave him a harsh shove, making Buck stumble forward and clip his forehead on the sharp corner of one of the cabinets. He felt warmth beginning to slide down his face and knew he had cut the skin open.

Buck fumbled with his keys to find the right one, dropping them twice in a row which only aggravated his captor. When Buck bent down to pick up the keys after the second time he dropped them, Mr. Wilson shoved him to the ground, aiming a swift kick to his side, making Buck groan as he curled into himself. The man grabbed Buck’s keys and shoved each one into the lock until the correct one turned and the narcotics cabinet was open. The gleeful smile on the man’s face was disturbing as he pocketed vials of morphine before turning back to Buck who was still curled on the floor.

“Can’t have you calling for help right away,” the man said sinisterly as he kicked at Buck’s side again and then aiming another precise kick to his head which made the blonde lose consciousness on the supply room floor.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

“I’m glad my misfortune can give you glee,” Chim commented from inside the firetruck as they pulled up outside LA General.

“You needing stitches doesn’t give me glee,” Eddie responded, jumping down from the truck before reaching out to help Chim down as he held a pressure bandage to the cut on his forearm.

“No, seeing his boyfriend is what’s making him giddy,” Hen teased as she came around the other side of the truck with Captain Nash not far behind.

“Ok, I’m excited to see Buck. Shoot me. Our shifts haven’t lined up all week,” Eddie protested weekly as he followed his crew into the ER through the ambulance bay doors.

“The honeymoon period is strong with you two,” Hen commented.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Eddie asked with raised eyebrows.

“No, just annoying,” Chim said as a nurse Eddie didn’t recognize led him into an empty room. The three other members of the 118 leaned against the nurses station to wait, Eddie’s eyes flitting around the room in search of his boyfriend.

“He finally called you, huh?” a voice came from behind them and all 3 firefighter turned to see Jasmine gathering some papers from behind the counter.

“Who called?” Eddie asked.

“Buck. I told him not calling you was dumb. The whole ‘I don’t want to worry him’ is cliché if you ask me, so I’m glad he got his head out of his ass.”

“Worry me about what?” Eddie asked, frowning and fully leaning on the counter to get closer to Jasmine who paused with her paper shuffling to look at the man.

“He didn’t call you, did he?”

Eddie shook his head, “No. My co-worked needed some stitches so we’re waiting on him. But why did Buck not want to worry me?” he asked again, his brown eyes locked on the petite brunette nurse who was biting at her lower lip nervously.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this but….he had a patient that got a little aggressive,” She revealed, “That’s all I can say. He’s in the staff lounge if you want to see him,” she hinted, before disappearing quickly.

Eddie looked at Captain Nash, who nodded for him to go, before heading toward where he knew the staff lounge was. He pushed the door open quietly. The room was dark, the overhead lights off and just a small table light illuminating the room. There was only one figure inside, stretched across the couch with an arm covering his eyes. Even though it was dark, Eddie recognized Buck immediately and made his way over to the couch.

“Jasmine, I’m fine,” the man mumbled without removing his arm from across his eyes, “and no, I’m not going to call Eddie.”

“Why do you need to call Eddie,” said man asked, as he planted himself down on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

Buck froze at the familiar and unexpected voice, before lifting his arm just slightly to peer out with one eye and confirm that it was in fact, his boyfriend who was sitting before him. “Hi Eddie,” he greeted, forced casualness in his voice.

“Hi Buck. What did you need to call Eddie about?”

“Nothing. I’m fine,” the blonde protested immediately.

“Not what I asked,” Buck sighed, staying still for another moment before letting his arm drop from across his eyes, revealing the bruising and cut on the side of his head. Eddie frowned in concern, “What happened?” he asked, reaching out with gentle fingers to touch the purpling bruise.

“A patient came in earlier. Wanted drugs. Was angry when I wouldn’t give them to him.”

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

“Bruised ribs,” Buck shrugged, “Honestly, I’m fine,” he reassured, reaching out for Eddie. “I’ve had worse.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” Eddie commented, his brow furrowed in a frown.

“What are you doing here? Are you okay?” Buck asked, bracing an arm around his ribs as he pushed himself into a sitting position on the couch, Eddie reaching out to help him.

“I’m fine,” the firefighter reassured, “Chim cut himself at the last scene. Needs a few stitches, that’s all. I’m more worried about you.”

“I’m okay. One of the docs checked me out. Minor concussion and some bruised ribs. Nothing a little rest won’t take care of.”

“Then what are you still doing here?”

“Cops are coming to get my statement since the guy got away with 5 vials of morphine. Plus, not allowed to dive right now. I figure, I’ll lay here until Maddie’s off shift. Then I’ll call her to come get me. I don’t want her leaving work for this.”

Before Buck could say anything else, Eddie stood quickly, pressing a kiss to Buck’s forehead and heading toward the door, “Stay put,” he ordered before disappearing out of the room. He wasn’t gone long, and when he returned he walked up to Buck and gripped his elbow to pull him up to stand.

“What are you doing?”

“Just cleared it with the Cap. You’re coming back to the station with us. Athena will meet us there to take your statement and then after that we’re going home.”

“We? You still got twelve hours left on your shift.” Buck protested, but allowed Eddie to steer him out of the staff lounge.

“No anymore. Cap gave me the rest of the shift off. Let’s go.”

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

It was over an hour later that Eddie led Buck into his house, turning the entry way light on with his elbow as he supported Buck over the threshold. He could tell the blonde was in pain now, whatever meds the docs had given him at the hospital had long wore off. Eddie closed and locked the door behind them, leading Buck down the hall and to his bedroom, quickly steering the man into the in suite bathroom and sitting him on top of the closed toilet seat.

“I know from experience that warm baths can help,” Eddie explained, reaching into the tub and turning on the water.

“I know from experience too,” Buck nodded, his voice cracking slightly at the admission. He watched quietly as Eddie set the temperature of the water and plugged the drain, allowing the tub to fill. 

The firefighter stood up and left the room for a moment, coming back with a large fluffy towel and a bottle of bubble bath, “Chris won’t mind sharing some of his bubble bath,” he said as he poured some into the filling tub, making Buck chuckle lightly. When the tub was filled and bubbly, Eddie turned to his boyfriend, “Do you need some help?” he asked softly, motioning at Buck’s clothes.

“Probably,” Buck admitted, biting at his lower lip in embarrassment. This was not how he imagined the first time Eddie got to see him completely naked.

“I’ll be quick,” Eddie promised, pressing a kiss to the crown of Buck’s head before grabbing at the hem of his scrub top and beginning to pull it overhead.

Buck lifted his arms as much as he could without pain and attempted to help Eddie free him from the top. He braced an arm around his midsection as he stood, his free hand holding onto Eddie’s shoulder to stabilize himself as the brunette man made quick work of pulling down his pants and underwear. Buck could feel the heat radiating from his cheeks. He was standing, very naked, in front of his very hot boyfriend, and his skin was definitely more purple than he imagined it would be the first time Eddie saw him without clothes on. 

Eddie, for his part, kept his gaze and his touches respectful as he helped his boyfriend get rid of his clothes and step into the warm bath. Buck hissed as he lowered himself into a seated position, Eddie’s hand gripping his bicep in support until he was settled. Eddie leaned over and pressed a kiss to Buck’s temple before beginning to pull away in an attempt to give Buck some privacy but the blonde’s wet hand came out of the water to grip his shirt. Eddie paused his movements to look at his boyfriend who was staring at him with wide, nervous eyes.

“Can you stay here?” Buck asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Eddie offered him a warm smile and nodded, attempting to settle himself on the closed toilet seat next to the tub, but Buck shook his head, “No, I mean…in here, with me.”

Eddie stared at his boyfriend for a moment looking for any signs of uncertainty in the blue eyes pleading up at him, “Are you sure?” he asked. 

When Buck nodded and pulled himself upright even more, wincing at the pain it caused, Eddie got the message and quickly stood. He removed his own clothing quickly, before stepping into the tub behind Buck and lowering himself into the water, his legs bent on either side of Buck’s hips. Once he was settled, he pulled the blonde back gently, so Buck’s bare back was resting against Eddie’s bare chest. 

Buck relaxed against his boyfriend. As embarrassed as he was about this being the first time he and Eddie were completely nude together, the comfort that his boyfriend brought after the day he had was worth the butterflies in his stomach. Eddie’s warmth behind him along with the hot water surrounding him, had Buck’s tense muscles unclenching and he went boneless against the other man. Eddie kept his hands on Buck’s arms, rubbing up and down them as the two sat in silence for a while. 

“You know, I used to be an expert at this,” Buck commented after about five minutes of complete silence.

“What? Bathing?” Eddie teased, pressing a smiling kiss to the crown of Buck’s head when the man let out a soft snort.

“No, soothing bruises,” he admitted after another moment. Eddie’s hands paused, and his carefully wrapped his arms around Buck’s chest to hold him close. “Hot baths did wonders, sometimes ice baths were needed,” Buck continued to talk, staring fixedly at the wall opposite him. “Hell, I think there were more makeshift icepacks in Paul’s freezer than actual food.” Eddie stayed silent while Buck spoke, pressing soft kisses on the top of the blonde’s shoulders to reassure the other man that he was there and that he was listening. “It’s been a while since I’ve had to worry about bruises….since I…” Buck’s breath hitched and he turned just slightly so he could bury his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck, “I was scared Eds. I haven’t felt that kind of fear since I left Vegas and I…When that man shoved me against the wall in the treatment room, it brought back so many things I never wanted to think about again.”

When a sob erupted from Buck’s throat, Eddie did his best to pull the other man tighter against him without aggravating his injuries. He held Buck close, pressing kisses to his forehead and cheek, as they were the only places he could reach, and did his best to soothe the man he was positive he was falling in love with. Eddie stayed quiet, and just let Buck cry it out. Nothing he said would make it better, but he could sit there and hold the younger man until Buck was ready to pull away. 

The bathwater was turning cold when Buck let out one last sniffle and pushed himself off of Eddie. He reached a wet hand up to wipe at his eyes as he let out a self-deprecating laugh, “Sorry,” he apologized, refusing to meet the firefighter’s eyes.

“Hey,” Eddie cooed, reaching his own wet hand up to Buck’s face to lift his chin so blue eyes could meet brown, “Never apologize for having feelings,” his thumb stroked at the apple of Buck’s cheek, “I am so sorry that you were hurt today. I never want to see you hurt. And I hate that you had to become an expert at treating your own injuries in the past, but you won’t ever be alone in doing that again. Okay? Let me help. I know we’ve only known each other for a few months, but you have become one of the most important people in my life. So never apologize for showing me how you’re feeling. I want to be there for you through the good and the bad.”

Buck surged forward to pressing a long, meaningful, closed mouth kiss to Eddie’s lips as the older man stroked his face. He had never been in love before, but when he imagined what it felt like….well, it felt like this.

“C’mon,” Eddie said softly when the kiss ended, pushing Buck up a little bit more, so he could stand up behind him, “The water’s getting cold and you don’t need to get sick on top of everything else,” he explained, stepping from the tub and grabbing a towel from under the sink. 

Buck couldn’t help but peek at the man’s gorgeous body as the firefighter toweled himself off and secured the cloth around his waist before grabbing a second towel and holding it open for Buck with a warm smile. Buck stood and carefully stepped out of the tub, allowing Eddie to wrap the towel around him and press a kiss to his forehead before leaning over to drain the water. Buck clutched the towel around himself as he stepped into Eddie’s bedroom, the other man following behind. 

Buck stood next to the bed, not wanting to sit down and get the sheets wet, while Eddie rifled through his wardrobe for clothing. He tossed a clean pair of boxers and an oversized t-shirt at Buck, before pulling out a second pair of underwear for himself. “Do you want some pants too?” Eddie asked, but Buck shook his head. The blonde blushed as Eddie stepped over to him and unwrapped the towel, using the cloth to dry every droplet of water off of his skin, and Buck was sure Eddie was doing exactly what he would if he were helping Christopher after a bath. He thought he’d feel more embarrassed about it, but in reality, he just felt cared for – for the first time in a long time. Once Eddie deemed his dry enough, he knelt down on the ground and held the underwear open for him to step into so Buck wouldn’t have to bend over with his sore ribs. Buck could feel the flush of his cheeks spreading at having Eddie on his knees in front of his very naked body, but tried to keep his thoughts focused on the task of stepping into the article of clothing without falling over. Eddie pulled the underwear up and over his boyfriend’s hips, letting the elastic snap against the bare skin playfully before helping get the shirt over Buck’s head as well.

Once Buck was dressed, Eddie motioned for him to climb into the bed, before dropping his own towel and stepping into his own pair of boxer briefs. If he felt Buck’s eyes on him the whole time, he didn’t acknowledge or say anything about it before turning on his heel and leaving the room, only to return a moment later with a glass of water and some pain killers. He handed both things to Buck who took them gratefully. He was setting the class of water onto the night stand as Eddie climbed into the bed beside him. 

When Buck made a move to roll onto his side and cuddle up to Eddie, the older man stopped him, “Won’t be good for your ribs,” he explained before sidling up next to Buck and laying facing his boyfriend, sliding one arm underneath Buck’s head and allowing the other to fall across his hips so he was holding Buck without the nurse having to lay on his side.

“Thank you,” Buck murmured as the pain medicine and they day caught up to him, his eye drooping as soon as he and Eddie settled.

“I’d do anything for you,” Eddie said softly, his lips pressed against Buck’s forehead as the younger man drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr @kml8990

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> I have a tumblr @kml8990 
> 
> I don’t really post much there but I’m on it daily, but you are welcome to find me on the site.


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